9 Ways to Help Build Self-Confidence in Children

Self-confidence goes along away in life.  We’ve all met adults who are still trying to master it–so getting kids squared away while they are young {and impressionable} makes sense. I’m not talking the false, forced kind of self-esteem boosting compliments.  I’m talking teaching them how to accept themselves as they are, faults and talents included.  Nobody is perfect…nobody.  Helping kids understand that AND still loving who they are will insulate them a little more from all the nasty that life will inevitably throw their way.

Here’s a few tips for getting kids to see their value and carry it with them for a lifetime:

1. Don’t over-compliment.  A job well-done is totally worth praise, but if a child relies on outside encouragement, it can set them up for a lifetime of disappointment.  Make sure your praise is sincere…and allow them to find joy in a job well-done without needing your verbal encouragement.
2. Give your child the opportunity to fail.  Some kids don’t challenge themselves because they are literally mortified that they will look like a fool.  Allow them to fail and potentially be bad at something so that they can see it isn’t a life-ender.
3. Play/spend time with your child.  I don’t mean devote every waking moment to them–but set aside time to PLAY with them.  They will feel valuable because you want to spend time with them.
4. Give them chores or other responsibilities.  Pretty much all humans want to feel like they contribute something.  Giving kids chores may result in complaining, but it will also teach them that they have value–they are needed to make things work.
5. Be an example of high self-esteem.  Don’t be self-deprecating in front of them.   Maybe you constantly talk about how you need to lose weight…or whatever.  They are listening, and those patterns of self-deprecation totally sink in, whether they realize it or not.
6. When they do screw up, criticize the screw-up, not their character.  For example, “You usually make such good choices, it’s disappointing that you made this choice,” instead of “You’re so naughty.”
7. Encourage your child to express their feelings–and don’t discredit them.  If they come home with friend drama, don’t say, “That’s not that bad.”  Validate their feelings {not by encouraging irrational behavior, though}.  You might say, “It sounds like that really offended you.  Do you think XXXXX meant to hurt you?”  Allow them to learn to work through their emotions of rejection.
8. Don’t compare your child to another child.  As hard as it is, especially when you have multiple children, try not to compare them with one another.  Teach each child to be the best at WHO they are–not who their brother, sister, cousin, etc. are.
9. Find activities that suit your child’s personality.  If they aren’t great at sports or academics, that doesn’t mean they don’t have a place to shine.  Look for other avenues where they can shine…maybe Scouts, volunteering at an animal shelter, or cooking classes.  Give them a skill that they can feel accomplished about.

There are obviously a million ways to bolster self-esteem.  How do you make sure your little cherubs feel good about themselves?

~Mavis