Have you scanned a restaurant while eating out lately? It seems like everyone spends the entire meal, or at least, the part where they used to actually talk to each other, on their smartphones. The irony, in my opinion, is that I suspect they are checking emails and social media, in an effort to “connect” with other humans, while an actual human being is sitting right in front of them.
I swear that not too long ago, it was considered rude to be on your phone when you were at dinner or checking out at the grocery store, but it is getting more and more common place. Our local theater will still ask you to leave {without a refund} if they catch you texting during a movie {it didn’t stop a guy in front of me recently from actually taking an incoming call during a movie–and then talking for like 5 minutes. Not kidding.} I found an NPR article, though, that suggested that social norms are changing when it comes to cell phone usage during previously inappropriate times.
A recent study showed that, on average, people checked their cellphones 110 times per day. If you take out sleeping hours {assuming 8 hours of sleep}, that’s like once every 9.8 minutes. Can you even imagine if we decided we were going to do something else every 9.8 minutes? Like, every 9.8 minutes you drop and do sit-ups for 30 seconds {or however long you usually check you phone?} or what if you practiced a musical instrument {played one song} every 9.8 seconds? We’d actually have time to get strong/good at something. It seems crazy to commit to honing a skill every 9.8 seconds, but we will give our time away to our phones?
So, I guess the whole point of this post is to ask you: Am I just part of a generation who grew up without phones and still think there should be some etiquette while dining out? Or are times a’ changing {the fact that I even wrote “a’ changing” pretty much answers my own question} and I need to evolve with the world of changing social graces?
~Mavis
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Nichole says
Absolutely rude. Treehugger article related. Crazy that people have to be challenged to put the phone down!
Think you can go for ten whole minutes without touching your phone? If so, you can help alleviate water poverty, thanks to UNICEF and Georgio Armani.: http://www.treehugger.com/gadgets/if-you-can-go-10-minutes-without-touching-your-phone-georgio-armani-will-fund-day-water-child-need.html
cindy says
Unless it’s for work, for an emergency or a new baby is on the way…cell phones should never be used in a movie, theatre, concert, restaurant, DRIVING (MAJOR NO NO) etc. The conversations (spoken loud enough for all to hear) are about nothing.
I’ve seen Moms chatting about absolutely NOTHING while shopping and the kiddies are in the cart with a blank, vacant stare…SAD. I think for the most part 90% of the conversations, texting can wait until the person is ALONE.
Kathy says
Totally agree!
Kathy says
I still have a “stupid” phone, can only make/take calls and text. When eating out it goes on vibrate and I will only look at it if I hear that from my purse on my feet…my mother is 80 and recovering from triple bypass surgery. Rude to use phone while others are eating, restaurant or at home. No phome permitted at my table! Unless there is a family memeber who is sick, like Mom.
Nancy says
Unfortunately one daughter has MS, other daughter and son have a learning disability. I answer my phone. Except in movies or church
Becca says
Wow, every 9.8 minutes! I know I am guilty of being on my phone a lot, it’s something I purpose to refrain from more, bit seem to always revert right back to checking it constantly. Pintrest doesn’t help, lol. I know for me, I try not to be on my phone when at a restaurant, but my dining companion seems to always be on his, so I find I will get on it. I end up putting it down because I feel silly ignoring the one sitting across or next to me. There’s a lot that is becoming “socially accepted” that I have a hard time with or even flat out disagree with so I am just trying to stick to my standards. I will end up being called old fashioned or prude, but at least I am doing what my conscience is okay with.
Susan says
Very rude. I am also concerned that today’s youth are not learning the conversational skills that they will need in the future. Will future doctors merely text their patients as they question them? or teachers text their students? When negotiating a car or a home will future buyers text salespeople? Will the spoken word disappear?
Kamiko says
in the case of texting a salesperson, dont knock it. ive bought vehicles over the internet, and when i get to the dealership, i only have to sign papers. some things are very convenient, and in my home, cell phones are turned off at the door. cell phones are only on, when there is an emergency, or we are expecting an important call. as it should be. some exceptions should be made.
Deb Miller says
I agree it is rude. There is a time and place and at dinner is not it, whether you are out or at home. At our house the phones are placed on the desk or buffet in the dining room either turned off or volume down with no vibrate during our meals. Same when we are out. The phones are put away and no volume.
I know times are changing but there is no excuse for lack of respect at the dinner table.
akaGaGa says
Not only is it rude to yack on the phone when you’re with someone, I think it’s harmful to be on it all the time even when you’re alone. There used to be a common phrase, “alone with your thoughts.” Now our brains are bombarded 24/7 whether it’s cell phones, ipods, or TV’s. When do we have time to think, to process all the information coming at us?
I think this is how we are turned into sheep who will go wherever we are led. We don’t take the alone time necessary to actually think.
Kim says
Very well said!
akaGaGa says
Thanks, Kim! Every so often I just need to climb onto my soapbox. 🙂
Cassie says
I agree with you here. The other day I was taking a spin class at the gym. Main lights are out. There are blue lights on. We are all riding along with the instructor doing our thing. Then, I see a phone light. A few minutes later when I looked around the room there were 3 people on their phones! 3! I thought we were here to work out. It was interesting for sure!
lynne says
Agree totally. I don’t even have one, so ya’ won’t catch me with one at the table, movies, or my fave —>in a car driving & smoking a cigarette. Really??!! I have not had one instance yet where I wish I had one. even driving…there is always a gas station nearby. on road trips, my husband has one for work, and we take that along, otherwise I don’t WANT one.
Beks says
You’re not alone. I’m in my 20’s, and so many of my friends are CONSTANTLY on their phones. I have one friend that I don’t go out to eat with anymore, because she completely ignores me over her phone! It’s a bit ridiculous.
Vicki says
I agree. People talk too much on their phones when at dinner. I’m in my 50’s and I have friends that answer the phone when we are out constantly. Most of us do have parents in their 70’s and 80’s with health problems, so we will take a call from them. We do excuse ourselves from the table. When you’re younger you answer the phone from your kids. Then you get older and answer from your parents.. lol. But I don’t think you should carry on a long conversation with friends.
Cecily says
Smartphones are tools, like a hammer or garden spade. You wouldn’t pack your spade in your purse or pocket and just break it out randomly and start using it would you? Smartphones used in public for work, to research information related to your current situation, for emergencies or while you are in a waiting room are, IMO, appropriate uses as long as some rules of etiquette are followed.
1. Use your indoor voice
2. The person/people you are with/speaking to deserve your undivided attention
3. Be considerate of the people around you
Many feel that they can’t live without their phones, but I would suggest having regular technology free times. My family has tech free weekends a couple of times a year and it feels great to unplug once in awhile.
Kayla says
I think being on your phone during dinner or anytime you are with someone in person is rude. My husband is on his phone constantly playing stupid games. I have to remind him to turn it off and play with his kids. I hate the dumb phones. My phone rarely comes off vibrate. I ignore it and check it about three times a day; morning, afternoon, and evening. If it is something important, then leave me a message and I will call you back when I am not busy with real, live people. We have lost touch with socializing with people, but are content to text them to death.
I really want a machine that you turn on and it turns all the phones, tablets, computers, etc. off within a specific radius. That would be a must-have in my house and I would carry one in my purse. Heck yeah.
mable says
I have one of those blockers for televisions and one for cell phones. I use the television one whenever I go to the doctor because they always have multiple TVs on and always tuned to a soap opera or Fox misnews. One day the pool had a TV plugged in and turned on because the morning lap swimmers wanted to be able to see the news…I used it there and it only took a day for the lifeguard to decide that there was “something about the chlorine” that jammed reception. I use the cell phone one in the movies and if someone in a restaurant is talking so loud it is annoying me. I purchased them in Canada and I love them.
Cecily says
Cell phone jammers are illegal in the USA, Canada and the UK. According to the FCC the advertising, sale or use of jammers can be punishable by a fine of up to $16,000, seizure of equipment and imprisonment.
MK says
You know that imposing your block on others really makes you the bigger problem, right?
Kamiko says
when you purchase something in another country, and not available in the US, it usually means its illegal to have or use! people like you are the problem in this country, good people get limits and freedoms taken away, because people like you think they have no limits or restrictions. you dont follow the law, and the rest of us suffer. SMDH
Patricia Huff says
It is my understanding that federal laws prohibit jamming radio and cell phone signals. Fines can be quite steep. Something to keep in mind.
Barbara says
It’s definitely rude ANYWHERE in public as far as I’m concerned. I don’t want to hear other people’s phone conversations in a restaurant, a theater, the grocery store, Wal-Mart – ANYWHERE! My usually thoughtful husband started playing games on his cell during our evening TV time together, and I told him that I will not sit with him if he does that, and asked him to refrain. He agreed that even in our own home, it can be very rude to your spouse/partner. We don’t take phones to the table at home, either. A caller can just leave a message, call back, or wait until we are through with our meal. We’ve always had a FAMILY dinner without the TV, also, and our sons would not be allowed to skip it. They all observe a family meal in their homes now that they are grown, and my oldest son, who sits at the top of the IT scale in his company, turns his phone off the minute he gets home from work! Even I can’t reach him that way, and have to call his wife! I believe it all comes down to WHAT WE TEACH OUR CHILDREN. EVEN IF THEY ARE ADULTS.
Cheryl says
I don’t have a smartphone, I do have a cell phone, but there are many many, times I forget to even turn it on. I think I basically use it as a watch! I took a vacation with my sister, hoping to finally have time to chat with her now that the kids have left the house and she was literally attached to the phone morning, noon and night as she has a new bf…even while talking to me, she carried on a conversation with him. Rude was an understatement!
Janet says
I do agree that it is inconsiderate. I also think that judging people based on a few minutes observation is as well.
Kristina says
Well, once early in my cellphone-owning days (late 90s?), I was at Marshall’s, across the rack from a woman *crying her eyes out* about her boyfriend/husband’s recent infidelity, while she thumbed through the blouses. Gave a new meaning to “multitasking”, for sure. What an object lesson that was for me (though I’d like to think that I have better sense, but still….). I think it’s OK to look to the smart phone to settle some sort of factual argument at the dinner table, same way we would jump up and grab the World Book when I was a kid. That is, if you’re big nerds like our family and have discussions about stuff like what happens to matter at the speed of light or the airspeed velocity of the African v. European swallow (name that movie!).
Cecily says
It’s only a flesh wound! ;D
Demarie says
Unladen?
MK says
Calm down, crotchety old ladies! Is it rude to ignore a friend when you are out at dinner with them? Probably in most instances. But taking a call or text is contextual. If you are out with someone and they do something that bothers you, talk to them about it. And if it isn’t someone you are out with, why should you care? Relax and mind your own boats without worrying about other’s stuff so much….!
Kim says
I think it’s rude, yes, and I also believe that norms are changing because so many of us have decided to be rude as our new norm. I also think that there will someday be a backlash and the huge topic of the Internet will be about unplugging, leaving the cell phone in your pocket during times we used to consider it rude to use them, and getting back to relating to each other face to face. Because I truly have absolutely no idea what it is people are checking on their phones every 10 minutes since I just answer mine when it rings about once a day, I won’t have any trouble with the back to basics movement when it arrives.
sandy says
The problem seems to be with the new “casual” attitude about everything we have abandoned civility and just plain good manners. Recent studies support the fact that young people (younger than 20) have few social skills because they cannot communicate with a live person. Imagine what this does in a classroom. I agree with the person who said “you don’t pack your spade . . .” These are all tools with a designed use and place. Phones don’t belong at dinner, on a plane, in the grocery, or in the car. I have witnessed adults with small children who during dinner never talk with or to their children because the parents are too busy with social media. And we wonder why children feel inconsequential.
Mari says
It is very rude. I hate how people have become ‘joined at the hip’ to their cell phones. I have two friend who visit and sit with their phones on their knees and are constantly texting while visiting. I got annoyed with one and said if you can’t spare me half an hour with out having to look at your damn, phone, then don’t visit. She was shocked. I pointed out she said she only had half hour to visit and had spent a good 15 mins of it either receiving, sending or fiddling on her phone. When I asked what was so important, it was just her husband ‘being silly’. I suggested she go home and ‘be silly’ with him and only visit me when and if she was prepared to leave her phone in the car. She had received and replied to 9 texts in the first 10 mins. Yes I was annoyed. It is the height of rudeness. It is like an addiction. I feel cell phones are a real invasion of privacy… particularly when you are the other person, sitting, expecting to have your visitors full attention.
Pam says
Cindy touched on it and it’s one of my HUGE pet peeves. Walk in any grocery store and watch the young mothers with young children. Many come in the door on their cell phone (and is it just me or do none of these gals understand that NOBODY else is interested in what they’re saying so they can certainly lower their voice), shop the entire grocery store on their cell phone and check out still gabbing on the thing. More often than the kids sitting in the cart with the vacant stare are the kids running amok thoughout the store and terrorizing other shoppers. I try very hard not to judge – I don’t know who has parents with medical issues, kids at home alone, etc. and these are all viable reasons for using your cell phone in a public area. But who you slept with last night, who your best friend slept with last night and who your boyfriend/husband/significant other slept with last night and what you think of that situation is something I could give a rat’s butt about and whole heartedly wish I didn’t have to listen to. And that’s just the grocery store. You can well imagine how I feel about a movie theater. Rant complete……:)
Ernest says
It is extremely rude to carry on phone conversations anywhere others are with in continual hearing; Drs. office, post office, checkout counter and restaurants to name a few. And if you don’t put the phone on vibrate, dunk it in your glass of water.
maile says
rude. i taught my npw early 20 somethings at a very young age the same. I am proud that they know the difference between human connection and phone connection, and more importantly which is more important.
Carol says
Good question…..may feelings are people need to remember they are not the only ones in a public space. I do not appreciate loud, constant yakking from others while I’m dining whether they are on a cell phone or not. Maybe it is because I don’t eat out all that often and want to enjoy the event, even if it is only the local Mom & Pop restaurant. If folks are going to use their cells in public, they need to turn off their ringers and keep their voices moderate.
Kris says
It is extremely rude! My husband and I get so irritated when we have family drive five hours to visit and they’re not talking to you. They’re looking at their phone or texting other friends.
Kamiko says
My two cents – to each his own.
– in my household it is only hubby and I, when we are at home, all gloves are off. i ask how his day is, we eat our meals and watch TV. when one of us is bored (usually me because i dont watch much TV and hubby is a coach potatoe, we play on our computers, and do whatnot. if we have guests, this does not go on, all attention to the guest.
– When we go out to eat, msot of the times it is a holiday or a special occasion, so we pay attention to each other and any guest we have. what other people do at other tables, its none of my business nor do i want it to be. if we have a guest, we put our attention towards friendship and fellowship, if our guest cannot show the same courtesy, we do not dine out with them anymore.
– shopping – i have a paralysis form the waist down, do i ride a scooter, and hubby pushes his own buggy and goes a ton faster than me. we carry our cell phones, if we have a question or one of us is done with our list, we do call the other one. most of the time we get to a spot where we are not bothering anyone, not in an aisle. some items you gotta do what you gotta do, whether others understand or not, its not their business.
– sometimes people can be very cruel when complaining about the situations, without realizing what the others are going through. i had a woman after i broke my back, kept pushing her cart into my back she kept get so close. do you know how painful that was, and she had the gall to get angry i was walking too slow, while she had things to do, i was holding her up! i had to stop walking around the stores, and start riding the scooters to get people to behave themselves.
Tracie says
I’m with you Mavis! It drives me crazy.
Ellie says
Rude will always be rude, ANY TIME, ANYWHERE, not just when dining. It’s flat out DUMB to use a “smartie pants” phone to be more in contact with people only to ignore to some or more degree a person in your company in favor of the people via the machine! Do people doing this not GET that? I feel ignored, devalued and disrespected when in the presence of someone staring at a phone or talking on one or scrolling facebook in my company; I don’t feel like they should behave like that with anyone. When I’m out with my husband and he pulls out his phone I stop him, “Hey, you’re with me now, whoever you were fixing to call or text you can wait to do so when not with me.” I find use of a cell phone, tracfone or smarfone or tablet phone, in the presence of another, totally inappropriate unless one excuses themselves to make or take the *one IMporTant call or when in the company of someone ignoring you or talking to you head down staring at their contraption and you can’t seem to get their attention. It’s like oh well, if ya can’t beat em, join em. But ungh, I do seriously hate these type scenarios. Too often the case is that, people are making people not present more important than those sharing the same space and air. And that’s INSANE …… and very very sad. Scary too.