Do you still sit down as a family for a meal every night? Do you all eat the same thing? According to an article I read on treehugger.com recently, less kids are eating the same food as their parents at mealtimes. And, according to studies, the result is that kids are…drum roll, please…getting fatter and more unhealthy. Surprise, surprise.
I wonder when people started making separate dinners for their kids? When I was growing up if you didn’t like what was served for dinner… too bad for you. I do think part of it, to be fair, is that parents AND kids are busy, and eat out a lot more than they did when I was younger. At the restaurant, everyone orders what they want, and the kid’s menu is usually nutritionally devoid. As a result, kidcentric food kind of has become the norm. Somehow, it has gotten in our heads that kids only like chicken nuggets and pizza.
I totally think that if kids eat at home regularly {and get hungry enough}, though, they will like lots of other things…or at least that’s how it has worked with my kids. Don’t get me wrong, Monkey Boy will still down a bag of Doritos in one breath, but he’ll also eat most of what I make with zero complaint. Which is good, because I make one meal, and one meal only. I’ve never wanted to be a short-order cook. We had a one bite rule in our house when the kids were younger. They had to take one bite, and if they didn’t like it, no worries, they could wait until the next meal for something hopefully tastier.
The article cited a study in Scotland that found that only about 71% of the kids they surveyed ate the same food as their parents. That means in 30% of the households, kids are getting separate meals…sounds exhausting. I get making a couple of different sides, so that kids have some choices, but past that, no way.
What do you think, am I stuck in my ways, or is making a separate meal sound like a lot of unnecessary extra work?
~Mavis
Recipe for Chicken and Lentil Soup
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Cheryl says
Unfortunately, I make a separate dinner for myself. I am allowed to eat red meat once or twice a week, my dh really doesn’t like chicken that much so, I eat the chicken and the family eats beef. When my kids were growing, up they too had to eat pretty much what I made. When I do make chicken, I will make sides my dh loves same as I do when the kids (now 20 and 17) where little. Cheryl
Leanna T. says
Growing up I had to taste. My hubby has always been a picky eater. He is so bad that he would go hungry and weighed only 120 when we married. I make sure that everyone in our family has a full belly even if that means I have to fix 4 different things.
Rosaleen says
I made one meal as my kids grew up. If they just HATED it (rarely) after trying something, they could go make their own PB&J sandwiches or find some leftovers. My mother gave very,very little advice, but when she visited and I asked my then 3 year old if he wanted bologna or peanut butter and jelly for lunch, Mom stepped in with a hint. “It’s do you want jelly on your peanut butter sandwich OR do you want mustard on your bologna sandwich? Not a choice of sandwiches.” The child has SOME control that way, but Mom is still in charge, plus ONE item is on the menu.
I learned a similar lesson with company. Back when things were really tight, it was not easy to stretch the food budget to include visitors, especially overnight ones, which meant several meals. I asked if some guests would prefer brownies or ice cream for dessert. The response was they would LOVE brownies WITH ice cream. Guess how I modified future offers?
My mother is (still) one smart cookie!
jenny says
It is eat or die in my house 😉 When I met my husband he didn’t eat cooked veggies, so I hid them in food and he wasn’t aloud to watch me cook…now he eats whatever I make and he is a great guinea pig for new recipes! My kids have always had to eat what they are given or starve, they are 5 and 1 and eat anything 😉
Natasha says
Growing up as a child, my mom always made a seperate meal for the kids, and then made one for her and my step dad. I wouldnt jump to conclusions that any parent that does this is catering to their children. In our situation, mom made us something more affordable (Hamburger Helper, Mac and Cheese, etc) and made her and her guy something yummier, later (pork chops, steak, etc). To clarify, I did not like this at all, and have vowed to never do that to my children. When I do become a mother (soon!) I will cook one meal for all of us. Neither of us is so special or important we deserve a better meal than the other.
jojo says
I was a live in nanny for a rich family and they did the same thing. Kids would eat “crap” for dinner while parents would enjoy great meals after kids have gone to bed. Go figure!
Natasha says
LOL being rich makes it even worse! We definitely werent rich. They did it I assume because they wanted better food, but didnt think we needed it since we were just kids. It really messed with my vision of food as I got older. I hate to deprive myself of anything I want, because I just saw it as so unfair when I was younger. They didnt even wait til we were already in bed.
Mavis Butterfield says
I think it’s amazing how things from our childhood carry over to adult lives. I have my own issues with certain things too. 🙁
Ashley says
I make one meal, but since my kids are young (7 months, 3 years, 4 years) sometimes their meal is a variation of ours. Like, if hubby and I are having something difficult to eat like fajitas, I’ll make them quesadillas. Or if it’s something they really do NOT like, I’ll try to accommodate a bit. My 3 year old won’t eat salad, so if we’re having a salad on the side he’ll have applesauce. But 95% of the time every has the same things on their plates. But guess what? They’re still picky eaters! I suppose they’re better than a lot of kids, but they can be very stubborn. It’s just very frustrating to constantly hear that you need to just keep trying, keep serving a variety, keep having your kids help in the kitchen and you won’t have picky eaters. Some people are just picky by nature. We do have a one bite rule like you though, and that does open some new doors to foods they didn’t think they liked.
Melissa says
I totally hear you on this and can relate! Some of a person’s inclination toward being picky must be genetic – my son is SOOO like my husband in appearance and personality, it’s not surprising that he can be pretty stubborn about food too – and I hate to turn things into a battle. It is annoying to hear from people who think the sole reason their kids “eat everything” is because they go by the “eat what I made or starve” principle – if they had your kid they certainly may have adapted to that child’s personality and made some changes in how they do things, when faced with a tricky picky eater!
I tend to take the long view though – I know I’ve read repeatedly that your kids are likely to GROW UP to eat the way you model for them, as their palates mature, so modeling healthy eating habits is key, even if they take 20 years to jump on board. And of course the things you mentioned – having them help in the kitchen and offering a variety of foods over and over, even if they have not liked them in the past, and getting them to at least try a bite. Hang in there – this sounds EXACTLY like our house 🙂
Ashley says
So by the time they’re ready to leave the house, they shouldn’t be so picky then, lol! I’ll take it though- any progress is good 🙂 Thanks for relating!
Lisa Millar says
“You were a fool to feed” Said my mother!! lol… but she certainly didn’t cook separate meals for us or give alternatives if we refused what was on offer.
I still don’t like cooked beans or peas, but will eat them off the vine in the garden raw!
Pretty sure Mum would be proud of my adventurousness now.. just got back from Japan, ate some amazing food… even fried grasshoppers!!
We don’t have kids, so its no worries at mealtimes here. We get a lot of visitors, and if they have special dietary needs (Like gluten intolerances, vegetarian, dairy intolerances) I just make the meal accordingly and everyone eats the same.
I reckon it would be a massive pain sorting out several different meals each day… but I do remember the trauma of being made to eat stuff I really didn’t like! 🙂
Cecily says
Yes I make separate things for my middle son as he is a vegetarian and my youngest who has food allergies. It is different if the kid is just picky though.
Mindy says
I get so fired up over this subject. I could write a book in your comment section. The phrase “kid food” makes my blood boil. I will limit my comment to: If you don’t like what’s for dinner, it’s a looong time till breakfast.
Melissa says
My 3 year old isn’t particularly picky but is pretty disinterested in eating in general – while of course I realize he won’t starve himself, I do want to see him eat a variety of foods every day with hopefully some nutritional value! So I try to be somewhat flexible and offer options that include deconstructed versions of the meal I made (like quesadilla with gaucamole if he doesn’t want the whole taco, for example) or cut up cucumbers and carrots if he won’t touch a salad, and I’m ok with how things are for now. Maybe with life getting busier down the road I’ll adhere more strictly to one choice at meals, but mostly I go by the one bite rule and if he tastes it and truly doesn’t like it, he can usually opt for SOMETHING to eat at that meal, at least one item we have on the table or handy. I also find that he is MUCH more willing to taste something that looks unfamiliar if he helped cook it (like homemade broccoli cheddar soup and tomato soup – I think he doesn’t like too much mystery in his food, so he refused both of those at first, but when I let him stir the contents in the pot and use the stick blender to puree the soup, and be the “taste tester” for whether we needed to add any seasoning, all he could tell me was how yummy they were!)
GG says
Most of my meals are one dish tacco salad, soup, casseroles. And they are all take it or leave it. My first born went through a picky stage and a MD had concerns over his loss of one pound in a year (when he should have gained a pound or more). I stared feeding him differently on the go hot dogs and cheese sticks mostly as thats all he would eat. After another 6 months and no weight gain, I went guilt free back to heathy family style dinner… take it or leave it. Now hes a very healthy weight, athletic teenager on the swim team who never misses dinner!
Stacey says
I fall somewhere in between expecting the kids to eat what is served and the fact that it’s not healthy for them if they don’t eat it. I made accommodations, but not to the point where I was making separate meals. We didn’t have a big grocery budget, so I had to make do with what I had.
Margery says
The only changes I make are spice level and peppers, I dislike peppers my husband loves them, I like less spicy food he likes it spicy, and the kids normally ate what I did, but as they have grown they eat more food seasoned like dads. For me this means two crockpots of chili, and onions and peppers are fried up on the side for meals needing them added and we always make 2 pizzas. Also each person gets two foods they don’t like. For me it’s peppers and onions, and as a family we don’t eat mushrooms( Mom and Dad don’t like them ). And since I am the mom there are foods I just don’t serve because i don’t like them like liver, pork , cooked broccoli, cooked cabbage ( still remember walking in the door after school to that smell and calling grandma and asking what she was having for dinner that night.) But we eat a ton of fresh broccoli and cabbage in salads.
Jillbert says
Typically, my family eats what I make and we all eat together most nights. However, I have two high schoolers with very busy schedules and often one or the other is not home at dinnertime. I do not make separate food for my kids but they are welcome to make it themselves or grab something leftover from the fridge. Last night is fairly typical — there were four of us home for dinner together. I made chicken tikka masala & salad. My daughter dislikes Indian food (sometimes….not reliably enough for me to strike it from the menu). She made a box of mac & cheese and ate it with salad. My youngest had mac & cheese, along with the Indian food and salad. The oldest had leftover Indian food (no salad left) when he got in at 8pm. This is pretty much how it rolls at our house.
Tammy says
My daughter has been eating the same meals as us for as long as she’s been eating. There aren’t any food allergies so I don’t have that to worry about. There are a very few exceptions to the rule. For instance, when we have dishes that have fresh ginger in them, she truly cannot stomach the ginger, so I dish her up separately before I add the sauce. So I’m not really cooking something different, she just doesn’t get the sauce. I’m ok with doing something like that occasionally, but that is pretty rare. She’s not picky!
mch says
My kids eat what we eat or they don’t eat. We never have a problem because they have always eaten that way. They never liked “kid foods”, even the stuff we used to eat. We do have food sensitivities to deal with so I do make regular and gluten free things but I don’t think it’s a big deal to do that once or twice a week. (Tortillas, pasta, pizza crust, things like that, not whole meals) One thing I have tried to teach my kids is that if something doesn’t make you feel good, it’s probably not good for your body. I think sometimes that is why people don’t like things is because they don’t agree with their bodies. Growing up, I never liked milk or eggs but was told to eat them anyway, they are good for you and you have to eat things that are good for you. A few years ago I finally figured out that I have an intolerance to them and it’s ok to not eat them.
Ellen in Clackamas says
When I was growing up there was no ‘take it or leave it” , it was “eat what’s on your plate…those poor starving kids in Africa” you know! And we weren’t allowed to leave the table till our plates were clean. I sure could sit for hours waiting for those cooked carrots or liver to disappear from my plate!!! And I was more than willing to send those carrots to those starving kids!!! I was determined not to do that to my kids, but I also didn’t act like a short order cook.
Tracy L. says
I have VERY strong opinions on this. My father was raised in an orphanage and literally fought over garbage with the other kids to eat, while the “family” sat at a table and ate “good food”. So my father forced us to eat, it was food, we should be happy we’re not eating out of a garbage can! I ended up with eating issues/disorders. I just wouldn’t eat, period. So, for my children, I asked that they taste, and I would make the meal adapted to them, I.e., spaghetti without the sauce on top, so they could regulate how much or if they wanted sauce at all. But always stressed the importance of protein, vegetables , etc. and gave choices, never forced. I also let them plate their own when they were old enough. I had to eat anything and everything on my plate, and spent many long HOURS sitting at the dinner table gagging cold disgusting food down. Would NEVER do that to my own children.
lindsey says
my daughter doesn’t eat sauce on her pasta she usually just wants it completely plain! my son wont eat pasta at all so we rarely even make pasta. my husband works at night so i usually just make something the kids like for dinner and my husband and i eat when he gets home (which is usually between 10 and midnight..
Jennifer M says
My kids eat what is served, there are no other options period. We eat as a family one meal, sometimes someone will eat late because of an event, but we do not get something else. However, I know there are certain things my kids truly do not like, spaghetti sauce for my son, he just was not into that for a while, so he got his spaghetti with butter and garlic powder. Now, he eats it the same as us. The rule is you have to try it, we normally go by the rule you have to eat your age in bites, because at my kids age (5 and 2) sometimes they just decide not to eat. If they fight eating, how many more bites?, whining, etc. They are allowed to not finish, but then get nothing else until the next meal. No snacks or desserts. We do not make the kids clean there plates, because of issues my husband had with that growing up and it causing weight issues.
We do have friends that have allergies, or choices like vegan, etc. I will usually make the meal to accommodate them unless it is a party, where they will have options: an app, entrée, and dessert just like everyone else, but in normal meals that is not an issue.
Kat says
I make one meal at our house. We don’t have any problem with picky eaters or complaining about what is put in front of them. When the children were much smaller, I had a rule that you must try three bites, then if you didn’t like it, you could wait for the next meal. (The plate was saved in the fridge to be brought out later, in case the child got hungry before the next meal.) As for complaining, if someone whined or complained about a meal, I promised to make the exact same dish for the next 3 DAYS, serving it at every meal. My children know I keep my word, and have never tested that threat. Except with dessert. 🙂
lindsey says
We do separate meals 90% of the time and honestly a TON less waste… i would spend longer making ONE meal than i do 3 meals for the kids.. if they don’t like what i made then it goes to waste… so if i make something i know they will actually eat i don’t waste as much food. aside from chicken my kids won’t eat meat so we don’t make them meat. My husband works nights so its usually just me and the kids.. so i make the kids food… takes tops 15-20 minutes.. and i usually eat something after they go to bed or my husband and i make something when he gets home at night. My husband is a chef and i went to school for baking and dessert prep… so being a short order cook is our way of life its natural to ask what do you want and to just make it.. mind you most of the time i will make something i know they all like… its easier than making something i know they dont like.. like roast beef and potatoes.. ONE OF MY FAVS well they don’t eat meat and my daughter doesn’t like potatoes.. so there goes that yummy meal my daughter never liked potatoes beyond me feeding her as a baby she hasn’t ever willingly eaten potatoes she even tried mashed potatoes again during our thanksgiving meal and still didn’t like them. I LOVE POTATOES THEY ARE MY FAVORITE IT MAKES ME SAD! ! . so i wont make that for dinner for them so if i DO make that like i did last week i made it late enough where it would be done for my husband and i to eat when he got home from work at like midnight. They will all eat thins like breakfast food like french toast, eggs (not my son..) , pancakes, bacon that sort of thing, they will all eat grilled cheese and pizza. but yeah we don’t do anything “fancy” because it goes to waste..
My son you can’t “make” him eat… he will just not eat it if you give him something he doesn’t like he will just excuse himself and go play doesn’t fight or anything he just wont eat it.. (he is 4…) IF I do tell him he has to eat it or try it he will put whatever it is in his mouth..gag and throw up.. hes been like that since he was a baby he wouldn’t eat anything with texture if it was anything beyond the level 2 baby food he would gag and throw up kind of a pain.. he ate baby food until he was like a year and a half because he would gag with everything. My oldest daughter (6) she will atleast usually try different food and USUALLY likes it and i tell her i wouldn’t give them anything truly GROSS because if its gross i won’t eat it either of course! sometimes she likes it sometimes not and that is ok.. they are allowed to not like something. my younger two kiddos are almost 3 and almost 1 and they eat anything they are my eaters 🙂
jessica says
This has sparked a lot of discussion! Love it. If I fix grilled chicken or a basic meal that isn’t too spicy then we will all eat it. I do fix separate meals some nights because I prefer to eat Paleo and my husband prefers pretty much no carbs. I don’t think it is fair to generalize and say “It’s either my way or the highway” when it comes to feeding children. My son just doesn’t like curry but I do. He doesn’t like Frank’s Hot Sauce but I do. What I do is fix a big batch of chicken and dumplings for him and put them in bags for the freezer and just pop them out and he’s ready to go. That’s only on the nights that we are not sharing the protein and the various side dishes. I don’t like to see food waste so I’m not going to put a mound of kale salad on my 7 year olds plate just to see it go in the trash. I won’t force feed him either. And I won’t send him to bed hungry. That just isn’t productive! You’re kid is hungry, you’re the bad guy and you didn’t even get to enjoy your own dinner. It’s silly to fight over something so small like what side item is on a plate. We already have tons of too much emphasis on food in our society as it is. A healthy meal for my son is important and if it takes me 5 minutes to make something that he will EAT and is GOOD for him why wouldn’t I do that for him as his mother? It’s not babying or coddling unless you are making 4 or 5 different things just to give them exactly what they want (like a short order cook) or letting them eat a cookie or something. Back in the day my grandmother’s parents spanked them with switches and didn’t make them ride in car seats and forced them to eat what was on their plates but it doesn’t mean that we can’t be an adaptive family unit that learns smarter ways to get the job done.