I’m sure every generation has it’s “something new” that they have to deal with that previous generations didn’t even have to think about. It’s like our generational cross to bear–for better or for worse. For us, I think it’s technology. How do we balance it? How do we use it to our advantage, but not become self-destructive with it? That sort of thing.
I have read tons of articles about how handheld devices are affecting kids, but until I ran across an article about social media and marriage, I hadn’t really given much thought about how technology could be sabotaging our intimate relationships. First, I better go on record and say that luckily I don’t have to worry about this because the HH isn’t into social media. The article covered a survey of 2000 adults, of those 2000, 1 in 7 admitted that they have thought about a divorce as the result of their partners social media usage {Facebook being the biggest culprit}. The reasons ranged from contacted ex’s, to posting inappropriate pictures to just flat out spending too much time on it.
I guess I’m wondering what you think? Do any of YOU feel like you {or your spouse} spend too much time on social media sites? Has it caused problems in your relationships? What have you done to fix it? If it hasn’t caused problems, do you have personal rules in place to prevent it from becoming an issue?
This is such a new aspect of our culture, I am super curious how everyone is dealing with it…
~Mavis
This post may contain affiliate links. These affiliate links help support this site. For more information, please see my disclosure policy. Thank you for supporting One Hundred Dollars a Month.
Lisa Millar says
I have been thinking lately of social media impacting relationships on a general scale, but hadn’t specifically thought of marriage issues due to over-use or inappropriate use of social media.
Once (and really not so very long ago) a ‘gathering’ around a fire meant stories, food and music that was played by all of us.
Recently when gathered around a small fire, there was the food, but it was the ‘smart’ phones been passed about to look at stuff. And I actually found that a bit sad.
I hate phones been used throughout dinner or other social gathering. I can sit at home late and watch funny cat videos any old time, but if I am out with family or friends I really want to be talking with them!
At times people who have come to stay, don’t seem to be able to unplug for more than 10 minutes and spend more than I think it polite time checking ipads, iphones etc.
Happily this is not an issue between my husband and myself. Neither of us own any type of mobile (cell) phone, smart or otherwise (we just don’t have a need for them) so when we are out, its just us! Its very very nice!!
At home we have a PC that we share. I spend more time on social media (facebook) than my husband, but when we are home together we check our messages etc, but generally spend time together or on our own projects away from the computer.
I will be very interested in reading other peoples comments too!
D Lovely says
Not a problem here. While my HH and I are both very plugged in, neither of us has ever posted something the other would find offensive or inappropriate, or ever put social media ahead of time with each other. We don’t have any “rules” in place, we just practice respect for each other. We both have “Ex’s” as friends on Facebook, but the relationships are completely appropriate and platonic. Really, I think this issue in marriage, like just about every other, all boils down to respect and consideration. If you are in a very healthy relationship, I don’t think social media would be any cause for concern. If, however, you and your spouse struggle to communicate or practice kindness and consideration, then social media abuse would only be a manifestation of an existing issue.
Pam says
Hubby and I have frequent conversations about this. Neither one of us is on Facebook. We both agree that the details of our middle aged life are really nobody’s business but ours. We both have friends who are active on Facebook. Neither of us understands why a 55 year old woman needs to “fish” for compliments by posting a picture of her new dress/new shoes/new hairstyle/dinner plate/huge alcoholic drink. Or the 50 year old guy who just bought a Harley and feels obligated now to buy everything that has the Harley logo on it…..and share a picture and details of the purchase (including price). We did opt to put together a “family” website that is private and password protected. We use it to share the photos and family stuff that is only important to the two of us and our extended family. I have a handful of blogs I read daily as does my husband. I am active on Pinterest and give it 15-20 minutes each day. We both agree that phones are for talking on, not playing whatever the game of the moment is. When we are together, phones are available but never used unless they ring. He and I don’t really have problems with social media. We just don’t really feel the need to become overactive participants in it.
TrayceeBee says
I can see where it may present an issue. But, luckily it’s not one here. My husband and I have over 75% mutual friends on facebook. And, we know all each other’s passwords from cell phones to facebook, twitter, and other media sites, leaving no secrets between us in any way, shape, or form.
Kim says
Blaming social media for relationship issues is misguided, in my opinion. If it didn’t exist, those relationships would still be in trouble. Social media “abuse” – or perceived abuse by the other partner – is just a symptom of a deeper relationship problem. If the problem is a partner spending too much time on Twitter, without Twitter that person would find other things to keep his attention away from his wife. If the problem is a woman connecting with an ex on Facebook, without Facebook she’d either find another way to seek out a missing emotional connection with someone other than her husband, or she wouldn’t and would just live miserably in her marriage. And so on and so on. Social media isn’t to blame for our ills. It’s just an outlet that shows the ills are already there.
Kirsten G. says
My husband and I are both pretty active on social media. It’s a great way to stay connected with family and friends who live too far away to see on a regular basis. We both understand the importance of not letting social media consume us and understand the importance of “unplugging.”
Stacey says
You have the same outlook on social media as my husband and I. He doesn’t use Facebook because he was a teacher for years and didn’t feel it was worth the risk. He doesn’t mind me using it because I don’t overuse it. If anything, I barely have time for it, but I love having it because my family stretches across the country. Social media can be a great communication tool, but like anything, it has to be used correctly or the negative will outweigh the benefits.
Lydia says
I think, like most things in life, over/inappropriately using social media can have negative impacts when we let our guards down about how much we use it, and for what purpose. I try to keep the saying, “tools not toys” in mind to help me determine if I’m coming unbalanced in an area of my life. If it enriches, benefits, and helps you live purposefully then it’s most likely being used on the tool side of things. When it distracts, deters, and prevents you from being present and engaged with your life, than its on the toy side of things and should be cut back or eliminated. Thankfully, I don’t use social media, for many reasons, and my husband keeps it well within the tool realm, but I do know what it’s like to get caught up in things that have kept me from living life exceptionally. We must always be diligent and attentive.
Jen Y says
As I read the comments I wonder about the age of the commenters – are any of them very young?
I love Facebook & wish I didn’t love it as much as I do. I live in a rural area & it’s a main connection to my friends, especially during the summer months. I hear moaning about people ‘fishing for complements’ by what they post & I guess that’s true. For me, I DO enjoy seeing what my friends have done in their garden, hearing about their vacations or what their kids have done. I hope my friends want to hear about the good things in my life as well. Face to face is definitely better but people seem to be too busy to get together anymore.
Neither my husband nor I have cell phones though so I only check FB at home on my desktop.
I think we all have things we waste time on. With social media it’s a little more obvious to others that we’re wasting time than it used to be. I do agree with others that social media abuse is more than likely a symptom of a bigger problem though it may not always be the case.
My last thought, if I’m feeling guilty about it, I’m probably wasting too much time on it. 🙁
Lisa Millar says
Amazing…. your post is very much like mine/my situation! I enjoyed reading this
We live in a rural area and I love facebook for the easy connection to family and friends. As you say, face to face is better but its not always possible.
I love hearing about someone else living without mobile phones! (The most frequent reaction to the statement that we don’t have them is “How do you survive??!!” lol)
I try not to feel guilty about spending spare time on facebook. It’s not interfering with my relationship and the fun more enriched way of communication with friends (rather than the phone) is definitely not a waste of time. I know what its like living out of town and its really just a lovely interaction!
ps I am 44
Pam says
My husband and I are both active on social media. We check several times a day for short periods of time. We only have about 20 mutual friends on FB because I am more selective (ha ha) and we both had many years before we met. It doesn’t cause issues. He plays clash of clans to unwind.
I am having a baby girl soon and will be able to share her photo to friends and family across the globe. I will limit it though as I don’t want to be the parent who has nothing to do but brag about their child 🙂 I appreciate Mavis doesn’t go overboard in sharing her kids lives. I am sure they do too!