Men.
Remember when guys used to LOOK like guys?
Seriously. Where have all the manly men gone?
You know, the guys with man hands.
I went to the post office today to mail a package {Thank you Jesus, or whomever invented Ebay because working from home on handicrafts in your pajamas is MY IDEAL job and sometimes I still can’t believe that there is a whole population of people out there who get up and go to a job they hate everyday} and as I was driving through the parking lot there was a man walking out of the 7 Seas Brewery carrying a growler {big jug of beer}. He has wearing a fitted microfleece 3/4 zip up jacket, dark wash {slim fit} jeans and a pair of brown snazzy oxfords, you know, like the kind Prince Harry wears.
Where did these guys come from?
Is it just me? Or have they just slowly started to appear in the last 2-3 years?
Do these guys know how to:
- Change a tire?
- Change the oil in the car?
- Chop wood?
- Pull a lego/bar of soap out of a clogged toilet?
- Can they pick up/carry their wife if need be?
- Can they do hard things like operate a chainsaw or tear down a wall without worrying about their MANicure?
Or are they all “let me buy some crappity crap things from Sephora” to show my appreciation for my wife because just BEING THERE FOR HER is not enough?
Seriously. Is it just me?
I don’t want to be stuck in an elevator/burning building/crisis situation with a hypersensitive guy in suede oxfords who has no skills. I want the guy who LOOKS LIKE HE CAN PROTECT ME… DO STUFF. You know. Like McGuyver.
#EndOfRant
~Mavis
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Lori says
Amen!
Stephanie says
Mavis, I’m so sorry about your brother. I know this post is a little out of character for you, but when I heard of your loss it made complete sense. Grief comes out in sudden and unexpected ways. Please forgive some of the readers for their responses below. I think if they knew the whole situation they would have responded with more grace.
Jane says
You need to visit my town in Wy…Lots of salt of the earth rancher types 🙂 In seriousness though, I know what you mean and think the same thing.
MaryW says
I think men are free to be what they want or don’t want to be, just like we are. But yes, there are men who lack those skills, because they have no interest in them.
Gss says
Preach girl! So true!!
Tracy says
AMEN!
FarmGirl says
Amen!!!!!!! I want a man’s man; someone who’s able to do the man stuff for me if I can’t do it. You are just voicing what MANY women in my area are saying.
Jeanie says
I am actually surprised anyone in The PNW wears suede oxfords! Must be majorly waterproofed.
I love working from home (I am a freelance writer for different publications and a contract employee for McClatchey. I work as little (mostly) or as much (nah) as I want. I love being able to go to the grocery store, make hair appointments, etc., in non-peak times. It is a true privilege.
My husband is a total manly man. Although an executive in a Fortune 500 company, he is baffled by things like hand lotion, man-buns, Starbucks, argyle. His life is work, classic muscle cars, repairing things, emptying mousetraps when needed, drinking black coffee and listening to Johnny Cash. When he has ever had to hold my purse, he acts like he is holding a bomb, he would think a man-purse or murse would be something to hold wrenches.
I am totally helpless so if he didn’t know how to fix things, kill things, etc., we would both be sitting in squalor.
christym says
I think the world is made up of all kinds of people, and that’s what makes it so beautiful. Not every man WANTS to fix things and work with his hands, just like not every woman wants to be a stay-at-home mom who cooks and cleans and sews. This is the equivalent of a man saying where did all the pretty, feminine women go…
Rita Chiricuzio says
Exactly. I am beyond freaking flabbergasted at the judgmental stereotyping categorizing assumption stamping get inside the box picture of what 45 or so percent of human beings on the planet should look like and do. If you’re indicating that you put personally favor the guy on the Brawny paper towels over the guy on the front of the fashion magazines so be it we all have preferences of what our fantasies are but that’s exactly all it is. If you are serious about assuming that someone who looks a particular way is limited in their particular skills or that they should have particular skills or that their wholeness of being should be at your or others service, as if you who want your fellow human beings in preconceived and appropriately packaged parcels… then I am so beyond disappointed.
If I didn’t love you for so many other reasons I would be just straight-out be disgusted and never come back again. Dang it, how would you like someone to roll up on you and say whatever happened to every description and characteristic which you do not have and then proceeded to list the qualities you like about yourself as being unwomanly and then dismiss you as being the same as a whole bunch of other women who are inadequate to the category of Womanhood because you know flannel shirt and where’s your push-up bra? I hope you’re at least half kidding but it’s not stuff you shouldn’t say because this is your page and you should be free and you should be honest…
But I would hope as part of the evolving consciousness of love acceptance and lack of BS in our society the things you said are things that people will learn to quit saying and that our grandchildren would never hear that crap.
If what you need is a handyman, service guy, studly mode5,l or a particular package of person in your individual life feel free go for it but why would you think it was anything but ‘hatefullness light’ to put that idea out for human beings who do not meet your standards to hear, or for dhildren to believe, and feel they or their Dad’s are inadequate, or generate even more unlove bullying fuel for not meeting your very narrow description of what one specific type of human being should be?
You may not have meant it as seriously as the response but I’m adamant in my opinion that it was demeaning even if unconscious, and not the kind of judgmental attitude I want in the life of people I love or actually any human beings.
Sorry, Mavis, but you really dropped the ball on decent human being with that one.
Mia says
So angry at an opinion you disagree with , hopefully you find your way back to your safe space soon, snowflake
Michelle says
Please consider the situation and show compassion. Listen to understand, not just listen to reply. Peace.
shari harniss says
Aw, the snowflakes…gotta love ’em.
Aren’t they precious?
So serious.
So angry.
So defensive.
So up to the minute with what ever is supposed to ‘trigger’ a reaction.
So ready for you to join them if you too are negatively affected by the same words.
The only opinion that matters is theirs, just so you know.
Andrea says
I’m with you…stop the judgement. I don’t like the “rant” it’s sexist & breeds hate
Grammy Sue says
I really try to follow the “live and let live” ideology, but really…..a man bun????? What on earth!!
LynnDinKY says
My Manly man just spent many hours/days under the hood of my parents car, fixing it. On one of the days he came out totally black from all the grease. Literally black.
And just so you know… we’re raising the boys that way too. And they know how momma feels about man-buns.
Tsutee says
Ok I gotta ask “What on gods green earth is a Man Bun”?
Wendy says
It’s a dude whose hair is in an up-do. Google it. Or, maybe not. :\
Kelli says
Wow. Do me a favor and reverse the gender in that rant. You do you. Let them do them.
Ann says
Yes. Where did all this hate come from, Mavis? Let it go! Live and let live.
Lesley says
Same. This whole post made me sad. I have raised my son to be a hard-working, compassionate human being. And he wore a man bun on the soccer field, makes people laugh, treats friends to dinner when they’re short on cash, loves street wear styles, and does not chop wood. It takes all kinds and I am fiercely proud of his goodness. Totally bummed about this post. Has always seemed like a judgment-free zone.
Rachel says
spot on.
Lynn says
Ohmagosh, yes!
Jessica Guerrero says
I have to chime in!
My husband dresses very well. Better than me. He loves to wear nice shoes and he works in an office at a desk.
He used to be in the military and worked with his hands every day.
He looks nice, dress well, but he can definitely change a tire, change the oil, pick up his wife, cleans the gutters and he is in the process of building a dresser with his bare hands for our soon to be born son.
So it’s not always what is on the outside or that famous phrase of judging a book by its cover.
Freya says
I guess this is your blog and you can share what you would like. However, it seems this rant doesn’t have anything productive to share. Its nice to visit your blog for the reason that its popular in the first place, gardening, cooking, crafting etc. Its a shame that you would stereotype a group. That’s like me saying that people that stay in there pajamas all day are lazy, not intellectual and have no style. And since I stay in my PJ’s all day most of the time I can say that. Maybe you should go dig in the dirt and not be bothered about how certain people are dressing…..just saying
Maria says
I think you are starting to get old where everyone looks like they haven’t been to the prom but they are your plumber, your dentist, your doctor. I like seeing the different kinds of people. Don’t be so judgmental. Did your mom ever say, don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Sometimes though I remember my mom saying there is a fine line between an outfit and a get up.
That being said. I don’t want no stinking man to protect me. I got a nine mil and a permit and know how to use it.
However it is really nice that I have a husband and don’t have to all the time. But I can if I need to and that is all the difference.
It’s all contradictory. Chill out.
Practical Parsimony says
I do want a man who can do all the things I cannot do. I want a man who can do all the things my father could. I don’t think Mavis was far off about guys who don’t know how to do things. I see too many of them out and about. I am 70 and think that fewer guys can do the things they used to be able to do as a matter of course. Maybe a guy could say women cannot do things either. But, I don’t think she deserves the flogging some of you gave her. You all should lighten up, you know, the ones who implied she should lighten up.
Jan says
I agree with Practical Parsimony…I’m 67, have a husband who looks the rugged part but is far from it…
Us older gals, and maybe even Mavis, have grown up in an era where men looked/acted/dressed like outdoorsmen who could wrestle a bear or cradle a baby with the same aplomb. My idea of a sexy man look is like Sam Elliott or Clint Eastwood…as far as looks go, no you can’t JUDGE a book by its cover, but you are more apt to pick up that book rather than one that doesn’t look appealing to your eye.
Mavis, maybe I am a cranky old woman, but I’m with you!!
debbie in alaska says
I have preferences. Everyone does. So to each their own. And kudos to you for being honest and putting your true thoughts out there. But I gotta tell ya, if a man told me I wasn’t a real woman because I don’t like to cook, or wear heels. or wear make up, or wear lingerie, or wear a size 6, first I’d laugh at him and then I’d walk away and never think of him again. I also might call him a tool. Loudly. But let me ask you … my husband cares more than I do about clothes, hosting friends at our home, decorating, gift buying and cooking … does that make him less of a man? What if he also hiked the entire Appalachian trail solo, can build a fire with just sticks, can survive for months in the wilderness, and works in non-profit. Because he can do all that too. Still less of a man? What a small, unoriginal world we would live in if we all had to fit into one of two boxes. But the beauty of this world is that we all have a right to our opinion. And girl, I’ll support your right to write whatever the hell you want on your blog. I gave you props for having the cojones to put this out there.
Delores says
Well… quite the post and comments! Way to go, Mavis!
I have two favorite blogs: yours and Art of Manliness. I know I cannot be the only woman following his blog and his podcasts (they are definitely worth checking out). He just puts it out there about manliness, and what that means.
I won’t try to state why I think you are right. It would take way too long. But ultimately, yes, I agree. We need men to be men, not just hairy women. And we need women to be women, not just hairless men. We are all different, and so manliness and femininity can have different accents. But ultimately, men being men and women being women is best.
And I agree with other commenters: it’s your blog, say what you want. 🙂
Crystal Rose says
I had to check and make sure it wasn’t April 1st today. Seriously, I had a moment where I paused and wondered what month it was. It felt like I had stepped into the Twilight Zone or something.
I prefer men in oxfords, ones who would rather open a book than a bottle of Budweiser. That’s just me. You go ahead and entertain whomever you want. It is not my problem/business.
I would like to suggest that the appearance of others is none of yours.
Dee says
Maybe a bit more PC view… there are definitely many young adults, of both genders, who lack practical life skills. I’ve had roommates who literally had never done a load of laundry in their life, friends who had no idea how to find an apartment, call the electric company, or take care of household finances, and dealt with interns who have had no idea how to conduct themselves in a professional work environment. We have newly hired grads that may have a four/five year degree, but have zero marketable skills and still live with their parents. It’s really kind of depressing.
Jill says
Wow. Guess I’ve learned something new today…men can only be manly if they look like they JUST changed a tire. I know tons of men that clean up nice but can do all the manly stuff listed and more. You’re more apt to see me cutting wood and repairing the house and my husband grocery shopping and cooking than the opposite. I am also teaching my daughter to do these “manly things” for herself and also my son to do, I guess some on this ridiculous blog would consider, “women things”. I, myself, consider self reliance important for everyone! Geez, gender stereotypes have no room in this day and age!!
Andrea D says
Oh Mavis! You ROCK! As soon as I saw your first sentence I knew you’d have some FUN comments. I totally agree that, sadly, we live in a world where being a ‘manly’ man has for some reason gone out of style. I understand and believe that all people are created differently, but it is fascinating to look over history and see how a call for men to be more ‘gentle’ has resulted in a major shift. Perhaps some of it is also from the cultural changes- from the time when they had to work the land to put food on the table, to the industrial age, to the technology age- where that hard physical labor is no longer necessary or required of all men just to survive.
Either way, although I agree with you, I would hope that those who don’t, could understand that you are just voicing your opinion on your page and if they would like to disagree- which is perfectly acceptable, we don’t have to agree on all things to be friendly to others- perhaps they could do it in a ‘gentle’ way.
Keep being you Mavis!
Mavis Butterfield says
Thank You!
Laura says
Gotta chime in that today’s Swagbucks poll was about men shaving their legs. My husband was like “waaaah??” At any rate, it made me think of this post. I love my manly man. Others don’t. To each his own. You say whatever your heart desires. It is your blog and we love coming to visit to hear what you think!!
Go girl!
Melissapedia says
To be fair, opinions were solicited.
I think we’ve fought hard as a global society for something closer to equality and that should apply to both men and women, in general. Sure we’ve got our personal preferences – I happen to like having someone around just a little smarter than me to keep me on my toes. Some are very comfortable with that symbiotic division of skills. Personally, I would never want to depend on someone else’s expertise, forgoing the opportunity to become expert in that myself, so I change tires, batteries (not yet oil or brakes), do the household repairs for the most part. Then there are those who are happy to pay others to do those things, Uber for pickups, mechanics, handymen, and professionals to do the hard stuff, which is fine too. I place my grocery order online and have them load it in my car – I’d just as soon never go into the grocery store again. So it’s all about what you value.
So as to your poll, where have all the manly guys gone? Depends on what you think is manly. You can swipe left on the oxford guys – more for me. I’ll do the same with the rough handed daddy-men – more for you.
And hopefully we’ll all let our children and grandchildren define their masculinity/femininity for themselves and what kind of person makes them happiest.
Brianna says
Your response reminds me of a historical show I once watched on the beauty of woman and what was considered attractive by society during different time periods. The plump curvy women were desirable because they were seen as hardy, then as time went on it was the Marilyn Monroes, then the hourglass, and now the extremely fit women with defined abs and muscle tone.
Anyways, I am not bothered by Mavis’ observation of the man and his trendy outfit. Perhaps people don’t focus on learning skills anymore because we outsource overseas, can hire anything done, or YouTube it. I’m thankful for the man I married in his entirety. He works a job that is considered very manly and what little boy’s dream of, but the emotional, physical, and psychological toll of it have been devastating. So I don’t see a need to push people to work a manly job or do many things, because in the end we are all human and have a right to be accepted by others as we present ourselves to be.
Harmony says
My man keeps my internet secure, and manages data storage and 3d prints toys for my kids. He also fits into my skinny jeans. But he’s secure in his masculinity (as he should be). Let people be people, without forcing stereotypes, I think. Love you Mavis!
Doloris says
Loved your post– when the chips are down I want a manly man around– preferably with a gun. Just my preference– every woman is entitled to her own choice.
Susan says
I agree with you, Mavis. I miss the look. And I really hate skinny jeans on guys, though it’s better than pants hanging down to their knees with their undies hanging out. Well, it’s a close contest.
We’re all entitled to like what we like, and comment on it. I’m exhausted with all the political-correctness-police telling me what I’m allowed to say and not. The world is not going to begin or end on my opinion, and I guarantee that I probably somehow offend at least one person on the planet every day – or would if they all encountered me. I am generally polite and kind, but I refuse to apologize for my opinion, since it’s just as ok for me to have one as it is for everyone else.
Keep on with the randomness – some stuff people will like and some they won’t. It’s your blog, and I continue to enjoy it, so just keep doing your thing!
Crystal says
Ha! I love this! I totally agree! It’s refreshing to see others do too. So tired of all the PC baloney. No one can say they don’t like something without being called a “hater” . The hypocrisy is amazing . People don’t all like or agree with the same things. That’s ok and healthy. Deal with it. Society has gotten so easily offended all in the name of tolerance.
Anyway….men should be men. Absolutely agree…
Theresa says
Amen!
Irene says
But Mavis, you’re an empowered female of the 21st century, you don’t need a gun-wielding, wood chopping, toilet unclogging burly man with “man hands”. Your small feminine hands will fit way better down that toilet to retrieve that bar of soap.
Cindi says
Mavis,I love you. Your post made me smile and nod my head in agreement.
FWIW, it didn’t strike me as hateful or mean at all — just your opinion presented, I thought, quite humorously.
I shared it with my own manly man.
Peg says
And then there’s the man bun. And then the man bun with skinny jeans. And the man bun with skinny jeans and a top cut lower than most females wear. Ewww:(
Chaucea says
Heh… better yet, just learn how to do all that stuff yourself so you don’t ‘need’ a “manly man” to do it for you. 😛
Julie says
I had a good laugh over your post and have had the same conversation with my 23-year-old son. He looks just like Mr. Brawny and his best friend looks as you described in the post. My opinion is that some of it is a shift in our economy and jobs. We have less blue collar type industries and even working on your own car is difficult with all the computer technology built in. My very rough and tough backyard mechanic, all round handy man (does it as a living) husband has started carrying a bag. When I called it a man purse, he shushed me with he can’t keep track of a phone, tablet, keys, ham radio, and glasses and did I want him to have to replace them every time he misplaced them? lol I guess not! I am done with the skinny jeans though, time for some new trends.
JoAnn says
Freedom of Speech is part of what makes America a wonderful place.
Candice says
I love you Mavis. I am sorry so many seemed to lash out at you for your observation and expression of it. I don’t know what happened to make so many hypersensitive. Perhaps it’s the political correct movement so a person can no longer express themselves without someone jumping all over them and taking offense. By the way, I totally am on the same page. I have a couple of son-in-laws who don’t know how to do the very things you mentioned and another who can do or figure out how to do everything from car to house maintenance and taught his sons the same. I guess it depends on how a man is raised. I enjoy reading your blog and love your energy, determination and drive. Don’t let the replies get to you. You are loved girlfriend!
Mrs. C. says
Oh, for Pete’s sake, the Orwellian speech police are out in force. People who think this was sexist hate speech have lost perspective. Visit the middle east or Africa for a reality check.
This was opinion, and one shared by many men and women. I’ve seen articles by feminists saying basically the same thing, decrying the loss of the manly man. Many men decry the loss of the feminine woman. In the west, gender appearances and roles are blurring (Covergirl’s new model is a man), and many people do not think that is necessarily good. Overwheming majorities in many countries also think it’s not always a good thing. Is everyone who thinks this sexist? A hater? A bigot?
Let’s make everyone the same, and everyone has to like exactly the same things. Differing opinions will be thought crimes and will be punished. Violators will be ostracized. That sounds, diverse, tolerant, and inclusive to me.
Lynn says
Thank you for starting my day with a smile! Yes, I have noticed that, too.
JC says
I look around at these guys and appreciate my rough and tumble husband so much more. Even if it means his boots track in mud and grease, he constantly ruins his clothes, and I have to pick the bugs out of his beard after a motorcycle ride. it’s because he’s handy and manly and I like it.
Beverly says
If Mavis was a guy named Mark and the blog was about “where did the womanly women go? I want a woman that can wear a dress with heels, have her hair done and full face makeup every day, make me a martini after work and then massage my shoulders after we eat the 5 star 4 course meal she prepared after cleaning the houses and working full time because *cough* equality” would this be acceptable? Entertaining? Would everyone say “preach it bro! Back to the old days of women barefoot and pregnant making me a sandwich in the kitchen!” No? Because that’s sexist? So is this.
Christie says
Oye! One of my personal pet peeves. I’m all for a “manly” man. Try being a young female mechanical engineer in the dating game. I can’t tell you how many times I knew more about my date’s car engine than he did. Then to top it off they would seem offended by that fact.
Lisa MTB says
My guy must be a hybrid– he’s not concerned about clothes, growlers, and manicures AT ALL. He’s handier than I am, but would rather call the professionals for plumbing, electric/gas, and landscaping. However, he knows a heck of a lot about computers and network security, which makes me feel better about what I do online (and he helps out our friends and family with anything computer-related). Go with the skills you’ve got is what I’m saying, I guess 🙂
Heidi says
Agree. Thank you, Mavis!
MR says
Well put, Mavis! I am in total support of the manly man and am very thankful and luck to have one. I am able to do many of the things you listed and wouldn’t want a man who couldn’t keep up with me. Thank you for posting!
Angie W says
I thought for sure you were going to be joking by the time I got to the end. You werent. I was shocked. This has nothing to do with political correctness, it has everything to do with basic human decency. Making a snap decision about someone based on their looks is always wrong. If someone said you weren’t womanly because they spotted you out in jeans and a fleece instead of a dress and heels, I can imagine that you would probably not be thrilled. And why do all manly men need to know how to change oil in a car or operate a chainsaw? I’m guessing you probably can do half the things on your list there, so can we start calling you manly instead of feminine? I’ve been a longtime reader of yours. I wish I could say I’m going to continue to be a future longtime reader. However, when you post things that go against basic human decency, I’ve got to stop. I wasn’t raised to judge people based on their looks, and I certainly have no time in my life to continue reading opinions from someone who does.
Cat says
Ha! I live in the PNW and there is definitely a trend going on here! Especially the men who look like lumberjacks but have the cleanest clothes and smooth hands. My grandfather was a real lumberjack and his hands were like sandpaper! But this too shall pass, just like the whole Grunge look.
Jennifer says
after reading the post and many of the comments, I’m just reminded how divisive the presidential campaign is and how divided the candidates’ supporters sometimes are. Of course, freedom of speech, to each his own, this is your platform to do what you choose with it, etc. At the same time, I think we all filter what we say based on who we think will hear/read our words. If your words, Mavis, were edited to have been from Trump and about how women aren’t fitting the traditional stereotypes of what a feminine woman in her traditionally-feminine roles should look like and should do, I think it might be more obvious how polarizing such words are.
Again, you can say whatever you want, of course! (Now I’m thinking about how public figures are held to, perhaps, different standards of behavior because we idealize them in our minds to who we want them to be…) But I’m super disappointed that you are really judging men so much based on such a gender stereotypes, and that you thought printing it was a good idea. I’d understand it better if you were describing what your personal preference is regarding what kind of man gets you going or something. But it sounds more like you’re just judging men in general. And there’s no value in that kind of thinking.
Pam says
you go Mavis!! love you!
Staci says
Love blogs and that the people that write them can do just that – write! I love your blog and I love my manly man.
Keep on keepin’ on. 🙂
Lisa says
Good thing you don’t have a job. If you said that where I work, you’d earn yourself a visit with Human Resources. Not appropriate. Turn it around it sounds more like what we know as sexual harassment.
Jennifer says
Agreed
Crunchy Chicken says
Honestly, I’m down with both. Manly man men and the pretty men. They both bring a lot to the table. And frankly, a combination of the two is quite appreciated. A manly man with a man bun is a thing of beauty.
Lissa says
I love you Mavis. Read your blog every. single. day. Write whatever you want. It’s your blog and it entertains me for free every day. I will be back for more!
Elisa says
This post is incredibly sexist. Imagine if this post were written from the point of view of a man, accusing women of not being ‘feminine’ enough.
Besides, how do you know this ‘unmanly’ man isn’t a fantastic husband or human being? And what does that have to do with his fashion choices, or whether or not he can physically protect someone, or whether or not he posseses hands of sufficient size to qualify as ‘manly’?
Finally, why does any woman need a man to chop wood or change a tire for her? I was kind of under the impression that your blog was about being amazing at self sufficiency. I can chop my own wood, thanks very much, and I’m proud of it. Gender roles are bull.
Carolina Cooper says
Elisa: Let’s give Mavis a break, okay. Everyone has their own way to grieve, and it is clear to those of us who have been reading her a long time, that her brother just died and she is grieving the loss.
Jenny Young says
Oh you just made me roll with laughter!!! And I could write my own rant on this subject as well.
Actually, there is a blog that I follow just to help men know how to be real men…they can’t seem to learn it from their dads anymore apparently. The blog is called The art of manliness http://www.artofmanliness.com/
I discovered it when my son was in high school & I was researching something I wanted to teach him. I love reading it still.
There are still a lot of them around. My husband for one…who happens to be out cleaning our screened porch today doing all dirty scrubbing getting it ready for me to stain next week…& my son who is married & does all the yuck, hard, heavy stuff for his family as well. I overheard my husband tell a friend a few yrs ago..’I would never expect my wife to crawl under the house & clean out a drain pipe or climb up into the attic in all the dirt to fix something. It’s part of being a man, to do the dirty jobs for your for family.’
And you won’t hear me cry male chauvinism at that either. I am grateful to feel free to do what I love..cook healthy meals, do the shopping, keep a clean house & take care of our garden…..without any taking sides about who has to do what from either one of us.
Wendy says
I was going to mention the Art of Manliness blog. I found it for my homeschooled 17 year old son. I am secretly addicted to their podcast, Shhhh don’t tell. 🙂
I am big supporter of well defined gender roles and you too, Mavis! Have followed you for years and I appreciate your input!
Delores says
Me too!
JAN says
Love your comment! And thanks for the web address…I’m gonna check it out.
God bless you and your hubby, sounds like you’re both secure enough to accept that while you may know how to do a job men traditionally do, you have a hubby who loves and respects you enough to do it for you!!
Deb K says
Mavis,
Unlike some of the people commenting, I do NOT think what you wrote was sexist or any of the other silly things some people wrote. Maybe that’s because I’m old enough to remember real sexism. I understood you weren’t saying all men should be the way you like them but that fewer men seemed to be like that nowadays. And where did they go?
We live in a society where collage age people need counseling if someone on their college campus disagrees with them or wears a halloween costume that offends them. It is very sad that we are raising our young people to be so unable to accept different opinions or to need “safe spaces”. Our country will suffer in the long run because of it.
With over 90 million people out of the workforce now and the possibility that many things could get worse in years to come, it is possible that some of these young male snowflakes will gradually grow up into men who protect, provide and are less girly. It is also possible if things get bad enough that some of the young female snowflakes will grow up and realize that those manly men offer benefits and peace of mind that the snowflake boys do not.
Only time will tell,
deb k
p.s. (all my best to your family at this difficult time)
Jennifer says
Wtf is up with the “snowflakes” comments? And saying people with differing opinions are “silly”? Real nice of you.
Deb K says
Jennifer,
Thanks for replying. I don’t post in the comments often so I forget that what we type may come across differently than if we were in the same room and talking face to face. You know, when you can see the person’s face, smile, hear a chuckle, etc. it’s easier to get a feel for someone’s intent when you can see them, although a lot of you younger people do a great job with showing some emotion in your posts by typing words like “eye roll” and a smiley face and lots of other things I can’t think of now. I think you may have more experience at it than some of us in my age group. I’m probably a lot older than you but I’m sure I’m much less experienced in getting across my meaning in a typed comment because it’s a new skill I’m trying to learn.
So I’ll try to read out loud to myself what I’ve typed so I can hopefully catch things in the future that might be taken the wrong way.
As far as the word snowflake, I thought a snowflake was a person who was so oversensitive that they couldn’t bear to have anyone disagree with them. I used it in paragraph 3 to refer back to my points about that in paragraph two. Even then, I didn’t mean it as an offensive thing. To me, it just descriptive about some (not all ) young people at some colleges who jump to anger or victimhood immediately when someone has a different opinion than they do. And even then I think it’s a temporary thing because we all keep changing. That’s life. Today’s snowflake is tomorrow’s responsible adult. But I can see where it can be taken in a different way so I probably should have worded that better.
I probably shouldn’t have used the word silly about some of the things people wrote but I also don’t think it is that awful. People are saying they will never read Mavis’s blog again, saying she is guilty of judgmental stereotyping, saying she breeds hate, saying her words are like sexual harassment, etc. I don’t think any of that is true. I don’t believe she meant anything of the sort. Maybe people are being a little too hypersensitive. I just thought she was having a nostalgic moment. It happens as you get older.
Jennifer says
Deb–your reply is very considerate. Not sure how old you are, but I’m in my 40s, definitely not a youth anymore but staving off the inevitable as much as I can! It is definitely the case that words in print lack much of what can be conveyed in the presence of one another. It’s too bad that so much of our communication these days is printed, esp for the actual youths of the world.
Julie says
This is Mavis’ blog and she can rant whatever she wants. What I am failing to understand is the connection between a fashionable person and the inability to change a tire.
Jennifer says
I copied the text of the post without naming the website, to my fb page and asked for level-headed input. Mind you, my friends are generally liberal but not left-wing crazies. No one so far is supporting Mavis’ attitude. Im sincerely disappointed as I, for one, can’t follow your blog or support you anymore. And I’ve followed you every single day for years.
Sheri says
“Im sincerely disappointed as I, for one, can’t follow your blog or support you anymore. And I’ve followed you every single day for years”
Then why are ya still here to post that?? In internet slang I believe that is called a ‘flounce’ And most of the time the flouncer keeps coming back to see if they got any response..so here is something to look at 😀
But that is the way to do it If you do not believe in something a blogger , store etc says or does..take away your business if it offends you that much. Personally , as a woman who has done farm and property management work for 28 yrs …I agree we see more males that don’t know how to handle hard work.My BF is a paid firefighter and strong..but I am the one who knows more about how to fix things etc. So Looks CAN be deceiving..but he is fun to look at..oh wait that’s sexist..darn..
Red on the Head says
You only “follow” or read those blogs that you can agree with all the time and 100%??????? Narrow, I would say.
Jennifer says
Not the case. I thought about it for a good while, engaged in some self-reflection to decide if it important enough to me, asked some people who are important to me what they thought of the post, and made a decision based on my values. I’m only here responding to you because I am curious to see if Mavis weighed in on the comments any further.
Holly says
That’s ok. New reader here…loved the article.!
Connie says
Bye Bye Jennifer, the rest of us won’t miss you. Love you Mavis…hugs!
Jennifer says
That’s just plain unkind.
Alyssa says
I was sad to read this. I’m a “don’t judge a book by its cover” girl. I have purple hair and I can tell when I’m being judged by someone. I feel somewhat uncomfortable when it happens, but I shake it off. I came from a very conservative, professional job and gave it up to have more freedom. You never know what someone has been through or whats behind their appearance.
Arbie says
Chill people!
Everyone can have their own opinion!
What happened to this?
PLeeease people who have to be politically correct all the time…I am rolling my eyes now!
I LOVE your blog Mavis!
Have a great day and remember whenever you state your own ideas or opinions… there will always be someone who disagrees and wants to be mean and make you feel like your own thoughts are wrong because only they can have correct opinions… not you…lol!
Hugs!!
Mary Ann says
So ridiculous to abandon a person over one opinion. Some people are hypersensitive and need to get a life.
Rachel says
This is incredibly sexist.
Crystal says
Sexist….so what? Why on earth so easily offended? The gender lines are so blurry people can’t see anymore.
Linda says
I am right there with all of you. Look manly guys. Also, I tired of people looking scroungy going to formal occassions really- I think it is just bad manners.
Jennifer says
Any what’s wrong with a blurry look at gender roles? Mavis herself admits to not being super girlie. I think we are all versions of the continuum of feminine and masculine, and their attached stereotypes.
Deb says
Ok so maybe “manly” was the wrong term. Maybe “mechanically…automotively…chainsaw(ly) challenged” (LOL)would have been a better way to put it. But I don’t think the intent was to hurt. We have all become so very sensitive these days. And as far as I am concerned, the “political correctness” of this generation is maddening. Just calm down everyone. And for the record, I don’t believe that Mavis would give a rat’s tail if any of you called her “manly” or “not feminine”. It was as stated, a “rant”. And we ALL have them from time to time. I doubt that this makes her a hater of humanity. Or of all men who do not walk around holding a chainsaw, spitting in the street. Geez. Such angry words directed towards your poor little computer screens.
I personally had an experience that makes me sympathize with Mavis. We have a tenant who is 60 years old. He is in perfect health. Runs for an hour a day. He MUST be perfectly dressed and manicured at all times. That’s fine. I couldn’t care less about how the man looks or what he wears. But he actually called us one night at 11:30 because he NEEDED MY HUSBAND TO COME UPSTAIRS TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB. And no, I am not even kidding. Really? You need someone to change your stinkin’ LIGHT BULB???
I agree that it would be nice if boys were taught just the basics of how to change a tire, how to chop wood, how to plant a garden, how to be able to rely on one’s self if the need ever arises. Even if he did grow up and choose never to use those skills. It brings a great sense of pride to do these physical things and to feel that kind of accomplishment. It is something that is, for a certainty, being lost in our culture. And that is sad. I like that my husband changes the oil, can fix absolutely ANYTHING that breaks, and that he is someone that I can always rely on when I am in need of help. And, call me a “hater”, but I think that is the way it is supposed to be, generally speaking. Otherwise, we would all be WOMEN. OOOHHH, I’m ducking as I write this. I can feel the attacks coming in response. I truly am not wanting to offend anyone here. But I believe that the “evolving consciousness of acceptance” for some people only applies to those who perfectly share OUR views. It is unfortunate that it quickly falls away when someone has an opinion that is different than ours. This view that one “rant” or negative comment makes one a “hateful” person is just oversensitivity at its ugliest. And it promotes violence and hatred. Aren’t we supposed to be able to have our own opinions and views and discuss them RESPECTFULLY with each other??? Why isn’t it ok to disagree? If we all agreed on everything, that would make us ROBOTS. Boring robots. Disagree with Mavis. But just do it respectfully…even if you feel that SHE was not respectful. Don’t get so emotionally charged up. “Two wrongs do not make a right”, as my Grandma always said.
Rant on, Mavis. If you ever offend me, I will simply hit the tiny little “unsubscribe” button and be done. There will be nary a “rant” to let you know why. And I’ll bet your life will go on just fine without me. But for now, I look forward to tomorrow’s post! (You might want to lay off of the “ranting” for a while though) 😉
Give Miss Lucy a big hug for me!
Sheri says
I will say this, and I hadnt thought about it until the farm I had worked on for 21 yrs was on the market. The realtor said that people are no longer brought up in a rural setting or had grandparents that were farmers where you learned to do things and possibly HAD to do hard labor to survive. My area, a few counties wide actually, has gone from largely ag to pretty suburban in the matter of 20-25 years. I grew up more ‘out in the country’ then my ‘townie’ friends and while we didnt farm I saw enough of it to know how to act around equipment..My grandfather raised a steer every year and chickens and there was a goat etc…I saw people use the chainsaw and my sister and I helped haul/stack wood and gardened etc. We never would have thought about hiring someone to mow the yard or rake the leaves or shovel our snow. But now days many of those things are just never seen to BE learned. My bf’s adopted son ..well I dont think they ever made that boy mow a lawn..I gave the bf heck and said that was his job to teach him how to be a manly man and do some of the basic chores.. I got the impression that the ex and he were expecting that the boy would never have to labor or didnt have the aptitude ( The kid kept a 4.0 GPA through college though!) So part of it is the ever changing world and part is attitude toward hard work?
Maryann says
Ok – this is Mavis’ blog and she has a right to write what she wants. Stop slamming her. I love how much I have learned from her and a man in a flannel shirt and carpenter jeans is a lovely thing. My generation grew up watching Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
Let’s discuss something that is seen too much in public these days – people out in their pajamas. Yes, there are some really cute fabrics used to make pj bottoms – but.. this is getting to the ridiculous point.
I live on a large plot of land and have a six foot fence all around the back yard. I go into the back yard in my nightgown, but if I’m going out front – I get some decent clothes on.
I am a teacher and parents think nothing of coming to school to pick up their kids in pjs. One mother wears a one piece Ninja Turtle outfit with feet in it.
I consider my bed a special place where I go in only clean, sleeping clothes. What I see these people in I would never be able to sleep in.
What is your opinion?
Sue says
Oh! Come on people Mavis has a job she has the best darn blog in blogland. Can’t believe all the comments… and not following her. 0h Please!!!!!!! I have learned more from Mavis over the years that I can say on this comment. Keep being you and you go girl.
Kimberly says
I agree with you completely mavis.
Heather in Idaho says
Amen! I agree 100%!
I have 8 children, 5 of them boys, being trained to become MEN. Opening doors for women, no spitting in front of women (whatever happened to that?), wearing jeans that fit like jeans should, not like skin!
Thank you Mavis for your bold question, for nowadays at least it’s bold!
Sandy Frankel says
‘Evolution”:
Let me share:
I had ( had because he passed away 3 years ago at 36) the most amazing son-one that you just described to a T. We used to laugh at his ability to destroy a rice cooker, call us to find out how to mow his small NYC lawn, not own a tool, and ruin every car he ever owned.
And he was this way all of his short life. It was not natural of him to be “manly” or “macho”.
You see-he gave us something much different, but just as important and vital. He gave us art. He was a graphic designer for NBC. He gave us joy, glee, and beauty. He gave us style, grace and humility. He was an artist. Without him, we wouldn’t have had many of the wonderful sites seen on numerous TV shows, commercials, and album covers. We wouldn’t have enjoyed the color ,creativity and relaxation as we enjoyed movies and TV. You see-we all contribute what we are best at, the things that come naturally to us. If I need to know how to do something “manly”-I will figure it out myself or find someone that can. I surround myself with all kinds pf experts- and learn and grow from whatever they bring to my life.
As society and technology changes and moves forward, we also need to. This is evolution of man. We need to adapt to the new world that we live in. The person that provided the programming for your blog, the graphics, the technology that allows us all to communicate. These people, maybe 50% male, may not be able to change a tire, operate a chain saw or fix my washer, but they are the promise of the future, the TED’s of tomorrow.
I gave my son a book called “How to do anything”…I found sit in his things with crisp pages and not one earmarked. But he left me his art, his designs, his legacy in print and motion. Those hands had no business using a power tool-they had much more important things to do.
We love them all-and whatever they are comfortable doing. No stereotypes, no qualifications, no expectations.
Diane says
This is so beautiful, thank you for sharing. I’m sorry for your loss.
Debbi Atkinson says
Amen! I don’t care who doesn’t agree; if you cannot express your opinion on your own blog -geez! I’m sick of everything being so damn PC and sanitized that no one is allowed to have an opinion anymore or a personality!
Shawn says
Mavis,
I might be the one guy commenting on this post, and while I understand the perspective of commenters who are saying “live and let live”, I have to say that I definitely understand where you’re coming from!
As a guy, I feel like I have a responsibility to take care of the more physical things, not because my wife can’t, but because I was taught to do so and because I feel like I have to use the extra testosterone and muscle that I’ve been given for something. Again, ladies are perfectly capable of doing what men do and vice versa, but I feel you, Mavis.
Your blog is awesome.
Tonya Stoddard says
I hear Ya Mavis. You should be able to tell by looking at the back of someone if they are a guy or a girl! No man buns in this house
Nicola says
I’m so sorry for your loss Mavis. Thinking of you and your family <3
Rhonda says
You go, Mavis! Hey everybody take a chill pill! First, this is Mavis’ blog…she can say what she wants. I happen to agree with you, Mavis. I thank God everyday for my guy. Second, Mavis is going through a really tough time right now, and you people can’t give her a break? Well, that says a lot about you. Some of you need to find more to do in your lives from the sounds of your comments. By the way, Mavis, we’ve been thinking of you, your brother, and your family constantly. Hang in there!
Adda says
1st of all, im so sorry for your loss, sending hugs & loves your way..
2nd, on the topic above, you should see korean pop star, their men can be describe as very pretty & definitely not a manly man lol
3rd, i have been following your blog for a few years now & through you i find my way to jj & jane blogs too..even if you loss a few readers who cant accept a differents opinions to them, it doesnt matters bcoz you still have an awfull lot of other ppl that still love your blog no matter what, me including
Btw, im from malaysia, that is at south east asia for you, very far & very different culture yet i still love to read your blog every single day
xoxo mavis
Deborah from Texas says
I wondered the same thing. But this all started in the 60s. Men grew long hair and put it in a pony tail. Sad, but true. I have a “manly man”. He can cook, fix the washer, or the car (well, not so much anymore with the electronic junk). And he does the yard work, too. I do help though. He isn’t in as good of health as he used to be, so he can’t do like he used to do. He can build a house, wire it, and plumb it, and do all the other things to make it livable. He is my hero, and yes, he has a man’s haircut. I love him dearly.
Keep on ranting, Mavis. It’s your blog, and if people don’t like it, they don’t have to read other!
Linda says
I’m a manly man appreciator myself, and am married to a manly man, who can swing a chain saw with the best of them. There has been a movement in this country (see http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2006-09-03/secrets-of-the-male-shopper) toward a uni-sexual type guy- he’s easier to market to, and God knows, the beauty and cosmetic industry needed more people to market to, among others. I don’t have a problem if a man is more or less androgynous – I’ve got my guy. But I do have a problem with losing your cool over someone else’s opinion. It’s just that, folks – her opinion – on her blog, which you choose to subscribe to. No need to blow a gasket. She didn’t say YOU had to have her preference. Remember, it’s a free (ish) country.
To attack Mavis for her opinion, especially given her current family situation, is insensitive, in my opinion. But, like Mavis and I, you have a right to your opinion. Just please, if it is going to be rude and insensitive, post it on your own blog, which I don’t subscribe to.
Mel says
I think people are taking this too seriously. I’m sure Mavis isn’t trying to judge or attack. To me it’s more like when I see a teenage boy in skinny jeans and I’m like, whoa, did not need to see that. Or the whole leggings as pants phenomenon. I don’t think it makes people bad to wear that stuff but I prefer a little more decorum. Expressing a preference isn’t the same as hating. And men who can do useful things, whether they have a man bun or not are a good thing. And maybe that suede shoe guy is one of those guys. Women who can do useful stuff like cooking are great too, and there is I think a tendency among millennials and hipster types to take pride in being semi helpless with domestic skills, in both genders. They’re too busy being cool and hip to learn basic stuff like paying your bills on time and cooking. Being a teacher and observing the younger generation I think some of the emphasis on life skills has gotten lost in the shuffle, especially in this digital age.
Jasie says
I had to laugh because my husband would love those shoes you linked to. And the outfit you described sounds like something he might wear; he wears slim fit jeans but not skinny jeans. And he does not have a man-bun ( in fact, he started losing his hair in his early twenties and has been shaving his head since then) and has never had a manicure. He can change a tire and could probably change the oil, but he usually takes the car to jiffy lube. He does yard work, cleans the gutters. He lifts heavy things at work all day and also deals with and manages other peoples’ issues without complaint. He helps me cook, clean, and take care of the kids. He constantly puts me and the kids before himself, and I always feel safe and protected. He grew up in Africa under a Marxist government and frequently fell asleep to the sound of machine gun fire in the city. He is the furthest thing from a dandy. So what does all this mean? What kind of man is my husband? He is simply himself and the best man I know.
Lora says
Mavis, i often disagree with you. This time however I have to say bravo. I totally agree with you.
Everybody throwing around this “judgement” accusation should stop triying to silence people who say things they don’t like. I swear if this keeps up in 5 years we’ll be living in a world without human speech.
Reta says
My mother and I have decided it is the places you frequent. My mother suggests meeting some iron workers or boilermakers, very manly men. I suggest you come to Akaska, we have a lot of manly men.
TEL says
Yes!
And to those of you offended by her opinion, remember that it is her opinion and should be respected. It is her site and she is free to say what she’d like. Your attendance is not required.
Dara says
Every woman needs a good partner for when the zombies come! 🙂
Tracie H says
Love it Mavis!! You go girl.
Brenda says
This is one of my most favorite posts from you . Soo agree with you. Real men are a dying race.