Ahhh Thanksgiving. The holiday where families come together…and then separate. I’m talking about the kids’ table. You know the one: a haphazard folding table shoved in the farthest corner of the den, covered with a stained tablecloth from last year, where rowdy cousins and single aunts are banished to. It’s dreaded by some {the teens-who-want-to-be-adults, that single aunt, the actually well-behaved kids who don’t want to be stuck next to the booger flickers} and loved by others {the adults who don’t have to deal with the unruly kids and the unruly kids}. But I read an article recently about how kids’ tables should be banished and it got me to thinking.
The article basically says that Thanksgiving is a time for families to be together, not divided. I hear that, but then what do you do when your family is so large they have to be separated anyway? The article say that kids learn by example and by mimicking how the adults behave and what they see the adults eat, and that they have to practice etiquette. The article also calls into question whether the kids would feel like a valued member of the family if they were forced to eat at the kids’ table.
Growing up, I loved sitting with family my own age {kids when I was a kid, adults as an adult} and I think my kids liked it, too. I think it gives adults who might not get to see each other often, a chance to talk and visit and have more mature conversations, while allowing the kids to have age appropriate conversations and giggle and be a bit sillier than the adult table would allow. I think it’s a win/win.
What do you think? Are kiddie tables mean? Should they be banished? Did you set a kid’s table? Did you sit at one? Are you scarred for life? Do you see pros and cons?
Talk to me,
~Mavis
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MH says
It’s only one or two days a year, let the kids have fun. If we had room for everyone at one table that would be different. I don’t think they start to care until they are older.
Barb says
I’m 44 and have never sat at the adult table. Lucky that our family is super healthy and hope to continue sitting at the kid table for many more years to come…and besides, where else can you make the best memories with all of your cousins and now our children?
Tejas Prairie Hen says
Love this! And I bet the kids are thrilled you are part of the fun!
Victoria says
A few years back, my precocious 10 year old niece was offended by the view of an over-flowing bookcase from the kids table. She took it upon herself to decorate the entire nook, hanging sheets to cover the books, creating swags, tying bows onto the chairs, and even stealing the centerpiece from the “adult” table! The end result looked like it was out of a fancy magazine! I was a bit jealous being stuck at the adult table after that.
erin in iowa says
Our kids have to be separated from each other and cousins at family gatherings, it gets pretty crazy otherwise. As for not eating right, that’s pretty true but it’s not often enough for us to make a big fuss about it.
Mary Olson says
Wow does this bring back memories! Especially the one Thanksgiving where everyone finally admitted the family may have outgrown grandma’s house when the only empty place left for the kids’ table was grandma and grandpa’s bedroom! Even though the cousin conversations were initially awkward and uncomfortable, by the end of the meal everyone had reconnected and we were all best friends again. We all preferred the kids’ table over having to sit next to grandpa who horrifyingly ate his green beans mixed with his salad and the cranberry sauce and turkey ALL TOGETHER! It was more than our no-food-on-the-plate-could-be-touching stomachs could handle. Long live the kids’ table!
Julie says
Pre and post meal is the time when kids can interact with kids and adults can interact with adults. I think kids should be intermingled so they can learn how to act like an adult. (Assuming the adults are acting like adults. I suppose every family has a drunken uncle or aunt.) Same goes true for taking kids out to fancy restaurants. It is reasonable for kids to have one meal a year that doesn’t come on a tray or through a drive through. Otherwise, they learn how to “adult” by watching videos. We all now how much like real life that is. 😉
Also, having been one of the youngest kids at every family gathering the kids table was dreaded because that is where all of the other kids got away with picking on me.
Holly says
I loved sitting at the kid table and still do! It’s the fun table. Lots more fun than awkward conversations about politics and religion over at the adult table
Mary Ann says
I loved sitting at the kids table with my siblings and cousins. We all had a great time. We weren’t unruly kids anyway, but it was nice not having to sit with the adults for a change.
On the other end… when my husband and I moved to Massachusetts (his birth state) for 3 years in the late 90s we were invited to Thanksgiving dinner at his best friend’s house for our first holiday after the move. It was just his friend, his friend’s wife, and their three kids and us — hot a huge gathering, by any means. Well, they sat their family of five at their dining room table and us in the kitchen at the counter! We couldn’t even SEE them to have conversation! I thought that was the rudest thing ever.
lynne says
Good. Grief. Want to say something more, but I’ll leave it at that. Not scarred at all from sitting at the kids table, and as an adult, I STILL have good table manners. Kids can be taught good table manners 363 days a year, Christmas and Thanksgiving is not going to traumatize them! I agree with the above, “long live the kids table!”
lynneinMN
Lisa MTB says
When I was growing up, my LARGE extended family always ate in “shifts” and congregated in places other than the dining room table during holiday family gatherings. There wasn’t really enough room for all of the adult men and women to sit down together at the same time, much less their kids. Some years we had a kids’ table in the kitchen, but more often than not the kids either ate in shifts at the main table or took their food elsewhere (including outside if weather permitted– so did adults).
Debbie N says
It really depends on the kids and their ages. I remember my kids being expected to eat at the kids table when they were really too young so I ended up sitting with them and being the only adult helping all the little kids. Now that my kids are older it is not so bad.
I do prefer everyone together even if it’s spread all around, though. I enjoy both talking with everyone both young and old.
Sue R. says
Mountains out of molehills…
Tracy says
Exactly! Let folks fill their plates, then sit wherever they want.
Leslie says
The kids’ table was so fun! I wish we lived close enough to relatives to do this with our littles.
Leslie says
I didn’t offer the pros/cons you requested. I felt like the kids’ table allowed us to act like adults- we were very mature at our own table, toasting out glasses (cheers! cheers!) and being left to our own conversations. The other table seemed so boring.
vy says
Not only do we have a kids’s table, we let every child know that before or after dinner they have to give up their living room seats if a grown up wants to sit and there’s no spaces left. No one has ever been traumatized or damaged by this (and if they are, maybe they need some hard lessons on the real world.) Too much coddling kids these days, IMO 🙂
Lace Faerie says
Amen!
lori says
I agree. We were raised with kids tables, or sent to the basement to eat and hang out. Looked forward to it! Adults had boring conversation anyway. We still sort of do kids tables with the cousins in the kitchrn, while the seniors gather in the dining room. A wonderful time to catch up, lauh, share life. We always visit with the seniors later. Everyone loves it. I think if your kids are getting manners throughout the year there isn’t a problem. But if you are one of those parents who figure it is everyone else’s job to raise and teach your kids, then yes, they probably can’t be trusted to go off without adult supervision.
Diana says
We have always had a kid’s table but age did not play a factor in who sat there. With 35 people at dinner we were all over the house. My adult children still sit at the kid’s table with their little ones. Everyone always felt that table was the place to be and the most fun!
Tonya Stoddard says
I just asked my 17 year old daughter and she loved being at the kids table. They get to have kid conversation and giggle with their cousins. Besides sometimes Thanksgiving meal can be stressful for mom and dad so a little break is great for everyone.
Jenny Young says
I never had to sit at a kiddie table. I always sat on the Bell phone book &/or the Sears catalog in the middle of all the fun.
Marcia says
I have a big family, and our Thanksgiving dinners had 18 people. I have many older siblings, and they were all married.
This meant the dining room table only fit a certain # of people, and everyone else ended up in the living room at the kids table. There was no other place. That meant all kids and *one* of my brothers’ in law ended at the kid’s table.
The BILs would fight for the kid’s table, because it was closest to the couch for lounging after the dinner.
I was always at the kid table, being 8 out of 9, with my sister, younger brother, and nieces and nephews (and one BIL!)
Linda Sand says
I liked sitting at the kids table. No adults judging our every move.
Brianna says
I just wish my family growing up would have been big enough for a kids table. It could have been fun and I remember kids at school griping about it, but what I wouldn’t have done to have such an experience. I remember being asked to go to the kitchen several times during the meal to retrieve items so the adults could say important things they had to whisper across the table. A kids table a some cousins would have prevented me feeling so left out. I am very much looking forward to having such a table someday for grandkids, but my kids are only 2,5, & 7!
Stacey says
This depends on the family. My husband and I are known to be happy sitting at a “kids’ table” at holiday gatherings and weddings even though our own children are now grown. It’s fine to have a table set aside for the young ones, but it’s also a good idea to have an adult either sitting at the table with them or close by to keep an eye on things.
Cynthia says
In our family it was a practical issue; the Kids Table was for the people who couldn’t see over the top of the big table. As the family got older, the boring grown-up talk was at the big table, and the Kids Table was where we could discuss the stuff that really mattered like rock and the latest fashions. In recent Thanksgivings, we’ve moved to an open seating plan where there are two or three tables and TV trays for overflow. The Kids Table always had permission to leave when they were done eating. The big table had to ask permission (and usually wait to be let out, since the people were wedged in like sardines).
Ruth says
We did the kids table at my grandma’s where we were relegated to the back bedroom. We had the best time out of sight of the adults. Dinner rolls flew through the air. It was always a challenge to get the youngest to drink milk with cranberry sauce in their mouth. We laughed so hard the entire time. We still talk about when the cousin s all get together. We still have a kids table for the next generation and they wouldn’t have it any other way.