The Handsome Husband: You know that little brown chicken?
Mavis: {Blank stare}
The Handsome Husband: There was a hawk flying overhead, and, well, I went outside to scare it away, but after that I didn’t see the brown chicken again.
Mavis: You’ve got to be freakin kidding me.
The Girl and I have a long history of going on mini vacations. Typically we leave the boys at home {their choice} to play video games in their underooos. We prepare a few meals ahead of time and leave some “vacation money” on the counter for them so they can go to Costco and eat smelly weenies with sauerkraut and drink Coke for $1.50 while we are away.
The only problem is, we have pets and plants we have to leave behind.
We knew Lucy the puddle dog would be fine because she lives indoors and she’s the coolest thing since sliced bread.
But last summer, we were gone for a week and the great chicken massacre of 2012 happened. All of which they did not tell us about until we arrived home.
Also last spring the Handsome Husband managed to kill all of the heirloom tomato plants by watering them with an eye dropper {I think} while I was gone.
So, as you can see, leaving the boys home alone and in charge is kind of iffy for us.
Mavis: Don’t forget to collect the eggs everyday. The chickens are laying about 8 a day now.
Handsome Husband: I’m not touching no freakin’ eggs. Why don’t we buy our eggs at the grocery store like everybody else anyway, it’s easier?
Mavis: Have Monkey Boy do it then.
Handsome Husband: Fine.
See those eggs above? Ya, I found all those in the coop on Monday afternoon. Nice job boys, nice job.
Mavis: Do not touch my plants while we are away. I watered them really good so you WON’T HAVE TO TOUCH THEM.
Handsome Husband: Work’s for me.
Mavis upon returning home: It’s a freakin’ miracle. My plants are alive.
Mavis: What is that?
Handsome Husband: It’s my new coffee maker. The other one died.
Mavis: Well, at least it was the coffee maker and not the plants or animals* this time. Do you know how much those little coffee cups cost?
The Handsome Husband: It came with a bunch of coffee and a reusable cup so I don’t have to buy any extra little cups.
Mavis: Uh – Huh. We’ll see about that.
~Mavis
Does it make you nervous to leave your husband home alone, or am I just weird?
* Squirrely was found safe and sound on Monday morning. We made it back with all our pets and plants alive. Oh. Happy.Day. Miracles do happen.
This post may contain affiliate links. These affiliate links help support this site. For more information, please see my disclosure policy. Thank you for supporting One Hundred Dollars a Month.
sara says
Ha!!! I am finally venturing out and leaving the husband home alone with the 2 y/o twins, my plants and a part-time cat… Saying I’m nervous doesn’t even begin to describe the feeling. However, if this mini, much needed, vacation turns out well it will be the beginning of many more!! I too am hoping for a miracle.
Melissa W. says
I love it!!! I’m glad that everything was safe and sound after your trip! And no your not weird … leaving my husband alone SCARES me … I feel like I need to take away his debt card (since he spends like crazy when I’m not here!)
Jackie M. says
That is a lot of stinking eggs!
Mavis says
No kidding! Got any ideas because CLEARLY they did not eat eggs while I was away.
Jill says
Hard boil, peel, and dice. You can freeze them in ziplocs to use in casseroles.
Lynn says
Make a HUGE batch of your own pickled eggs! Preserved to sit on the shelf. Won’t take up room in fridge. Oh……and they sure make the best egg salad sandwich! Just the right punch to them.
I am drooling over the pile of eggs you’ve got!
JJ Ordway says
One time I left for 5 days. I KNEW leaving would mean that the clueless (Mayberry Man) would end up doing something silly. Well, we have a “lucy” too (yes, Pug mix and child named Luci) and I told MM he could give one bite of sweet potato to fawn-puggy a day. He fed her one CAN a day. I came home to an orange pug…literally. Beta-carotene rocks!
Mavis says
Hahahhahaha!
Desi says
Fhew, that’s great!
Mari says
Oh Mavis, you did make me laugh. Thank you. I needed it today.
Mavis says
Have a great day Mari. 🙂
Becky says
I have learned that husbands have their own way of doing things, and while mine may not do things the logical way that I would, he does fine when I’m gone. Of course, I usually take the kids with me, so he gets a mini vacation at home.
Knitting with Olof says
The only time I left my husband to take care of stuff my mother was left with him while I went on a meditation retreat. Mom made sure everything was where it should be and the kids were both alive. LOL.
I hope to go to another meditation retreat this fall. Then we will have a veggie garden, chickens and bees that need tending and an extra kid. We will see how that goes. LOL Hopefully he will do more than sit on his iPhone the whole time.
Marcy says
At first glance I saw “medication retreat” and was like hmmm…that sounds interesting. LOL!
Knitting with Olof says
LOL that would be an interesting retreat! No I have anxiety from my ADHD and when I can’t take my ADHD meds like now when I’m nursing I get pretty stressed. Meditation retreats are amazing.
Knitting with Olof says
Oh and what breed of chicken is that?
Mavis says
We have no idea. We picked her up for FREE from the Mother Earth News Fair last year. 🙂
Knitting with Olof says
She could be an Icelandic. If so, lucky you! Does she lay white eggs?
Sakura says
That’s funny stuff. I leave my husband once or twice a month for 3 or 4 days, as long as I have premade food in the fridge they survive. I do have to remind them daily to feed and water the dog and parrot. As for the Keurig, we just bought the same one in black and our entire family loves it. It’s the lazy man’s coffee maker. The little cups are not bad on Amazon but i’ve found lots of boxes on clearance for a couple of bucks. Just make sure to rinse it out with the button every so often.
Michelle S. says
I always knew appearance could be deceptives – the place I would have to peek after being away from the fam would be under the burners on the stove, lest my next time cooking catch what ended up in the catch pans on fire….
Jenn says
Yeah I now have to start fixing a few meals so the hubby will eat while I’m gone. I never have understood it, he would rather starve than eat when I’m not home. I don’t worry about our two dogs because trust me, if you don’t feed them by a certain time, they will let you know!
Sheila M. says
I went away with our two youngest last weekend. My husband was home with our two teen-aged daughters. Everyone loves the cat, so no worries there. No one wants the three guinea pigs, so they are always at risk. The chickens…they’re a mixed bag. Everyone is willing to eat the eggs, but no one looks forward to feeding them and changing out the water so they are given conditional love. The 2 hens and 1 rooster were out and about in our yard when I left on Friday. When I checked on them when I returned on Sunday afternoon, the two hens were shut in the coop. Where was the rooster? No one who had been home all weekend even realized he was missing. Someone just went and closed the latch on the door of the coop and didn’t count the chickens. (I always count my chickens before they’re latched.) I checked the whole yard looking for a dead carcass. I don’t know why it didn’t occur to me sooner to look for feathers. Found some….a trail of them to be more accurate. I’ll admit that I didn’t like the constant crowing of our rooster, but I didn’t worry as much about my hens because I knew that the rooster did his best to protect them. Missing him already.
Mavis says
Oh that is sad. 🙁 I don’t like seeing the trail of feathers… it’s never a good sign.
Cindi Myers says
You made me laugh, Mavis. I’m glad everything was okay.
I go off a lot and my husband does a great job — as long as I leave him detailed lists of what to do, he will do it all. Bless him!
Penelope says
*sigh* I never leave, unless you count evening meetings, and then we’ve got a 50/50 chance he will relax all night expecting the older kids to volunteer in caring for the littles. The other half of the time he is awesome and gets everyone ready for bed, but he refuses to floss the little kids regardless.
Annette says
You are a hoot. I gotta say though, I hate that darn Kerig! The cheapest I’ve been able to find the cups is on amazon and ours seems to know I’m not a morning person but the first one up. It gives me half a cup and or stops after a few sputter, quite the since of humor. It turns you into an abuser too…you start smacking it around at five in the morning because your too uncaffinated to put up with its tricks! Also,( much calmer tone now) my HH locked himself and the kids out of the house and vehicles once when I had to go out of town…who does both?
Mavis says
Hahahhaha! I love it! 🙂
Toni in Indy says
This story made me smile.
I buy replacemet lids for my k-cups at Amazon 100 for $10. Save the used cups, remove the foil, empty the used grounds and rinse the filters in hot water. Turn them upside down to dry (I put mine on a cake rack). Fill with your favorite coffee and reuse. Be sure to line up the hole in the bottom of the k-cup with the piercer in the maker.
Mavis says
Thanks Toni, I just noticed the hole in the bottom of the cups and I didn’t understand what my husband was saying. I don’t drink coffee so I had no clue. 🙂
jenny says
I have a reusable filter and use drip coffee 🙂 I don’t buy the expensive K-cups! Filter was $10 on amazon 🙂
Roxie Moreland says
You could freeze the eggs. Take them out of the shell and freeze in ice cube tray.
Kelly R. says
Yes! My five year old has had type 1 diabetes for two years now. My husband still has to call me to confirm insulin dosages every single time he eats and I’m not there. Leaving the man in charge worries me. Sometimes it is just easier to stay home and do it myself.
Angela says
I love my Keurig. It would be one of the first things I would grab if my house was on fire. Costco sells their own brand of K Cups that work out to $.38 each here in Portland. As a tea drinker you would love the Chai Tea Latte K Cups. I have quit going to Starbucks altogether since we got this machine. Like anything else, if you watch sales and coupons it’s actually fairly affordable. Besides, a great cup of coffee is totally worth it.
Robin says
I think crepes, frittata’s and possibly baked custard would help to use up some of those eggs. You could sell them just outside of the high school just make sure none of the buyers know where your house is located. 🙂
If I left my HH alone he would eat at Del Taco every night and watch Netflix nonstop….
Mavis says
Awesome. At least the house was clean when I got home {although I’m sure it was done 1 hour before we got home}. 🙂
indio says
I’m so happy to hear that the chickens made it safely through the vacation. I have my chicken run covered with rain/snow protection and screened in on the other part. I never have to worry that a predator is going to get in. I’m thinking of adding a solar powered automated coop door so they can let themselves out in the morning. At night, the ducks don’t always want to go in at sunset. Occasionally, I have to coax them in. I have 3 waterers and 2 feeders set up so I have less to worry about.
LaToya says
Love it. Hilarious.
Never left the husband home alone. But will for spring break. Dreading it. I’ll have him read this post. And the chicken massacre from last year.
Mavis says
Good luck LaToya.
Sherry says
Let’s see. You got a trip to London and your husband got a coffee maker. Yep, sounds like a fair trade to me!
Mavis says
🙂 Works for me. 🙂
Kerry C says
My husband does pretty well at home by himself except the house is a wreck when I get home. I recently replaced my Keurig. People keep donating K-cups to the food bank and I have friends who work there so they give them to me. They think people who get food from there shouldn’t need K-cups. I have so many I have run out of room to store them.
Ashley says
As soon as you posted that you were out of the country, I couldn’t wait to see what shinanigans your husband caused.
Love that he bought an expensive coffee maker, but had the smarts to get a reusable filter (you will save bundles!).
Ah, men. Gotta love ’em! (or so I’m told)
Mavis says
Ha! Usually he moves all the furniture around when I leave so I knew something was up when I walked through the door and everything was still in it’s place. 🙂
Caryl says
Lucy the Puggle Dog has become Lucy the Puddle Dog? Freudian slip? LOL!!! 🙂
Mavis says
Did I seriously write that? Hilarious! 🙂
Nikki says
How are your tomato plants that big already?! I started mine within two days of when you started yours. What is your secret? You use miracle grow, don’t you 😛
I even have them under double t5’s.
Mavis says
Ha! All I’ve done is water them. Well, and talk to them. Do you talk to your plants? 😉
Nikki says
I’ll have to up my talking game.. usually I stop by for a minute every other day or so and mention how nice they look. Tonight I’ll print out a picture of your tomatoes, show it to them, and explain very plainly my expectations.
Holly H says
I totally get it! Along with giving them written instructions on not to touch anything, I also make hubby promise not to touch the laundry. I can only imagine how he’d go about doing a load of laundry!?!
Lindsey says
My husband is great about tending the plants, sheep, chickens and dogs when I am gone. Our problem is that he is color blind and he loves to do home improvements—often involving paint or electricity. “Honey, I repainted the bedroom your favorite mauve color as a surprise.” I was surprised okay, as it was olive green. “Honey, I added a new electrical outlet by your desk.” Too bad he wired two different colors together and it shorted otu and caused a small fire; the electrician cost us $230. His co-workers say they can always tell when i leave because he wears things like orange and pink together. This would not matter if he were a janitor but he is a physician and it scares the patients to see a clown walk in.
Brenda says
Lindsey,
Do you have your own blog, because you seriously need one.
Your stories awesome!
I’m cracking up trying to imagine my doctor (who I rarely cracks a smile) in a clown costume.
Madam Chow says
You left out the Chain Saw Incident of 2012!
Mavis says
Well, technically both kids were home. So they should have been able to prevent that. 🙂 I’m kidding! He still has a HUGE scar on his leg. HUGE.
Annette says
http://chickensintheroad.com/farm-bell-recipes/how-to-freeze-eggs/
michelle says
I hate those coffee things son principle. Who wants to be stuck buying little plastic cups of pre-packaged coffee concentrate for the rest of their life? (or until this particular incarnation of “popular appliance of the moment” dies down & all of these stupid contraptions take their place next to bread machines in the Good Wills of the world!).
Wasteful niche appliances. Can’t stand ’em.
Our egg production has ramped up considerably as well. I trade them for coupons… or sell them for $3/dozen for some pocket change. 🙂 They are great bartering material.
laura Cherevchenko says
I totally feel the same way. I left my husband at home with the two (under one year old) dogs, my newly planted seedlings and a fish. I took the cat and our son. I was gone two days. The fish had not been fed, the seedlings were all dead (all he had to do was move them inside at night and leave them inside) and it took me half the weekend to repair all the damage the dogs did to the drip irrigation (because, ahem, “SOMEONE” left them outside unsupervised for hours at a time). I. was. not. amused.
Kathy says
Hawks can be a real problem. I saw a red tail hawk take a cockatiel bird off the lap of one of the residents at a nursing home. Amazing how it came out of nowhere. That poor man was devastated.
Do you have an issue with egg snakes? I’m in middle GA and my then 8 yo daughter was getting eggs out of the nests and out of the corner of her eye, she saw the “most beautiful egg”. Turned out it was in the throat of the snake and she came running out of the barn. I said to my husband, something’s wrong, she’s speaking in tongues! She finally got out the word “SNAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” It was about 5 ft long… she didn’t get the eggs anymore… Sulfur powder around the barn cured that issue…
Mavis says
I have never seen an egg snake before. Yikes!
Jess H says
Hey Mavis! Glad to see you had fun! I have a cat sitter stopping by next week, cause I’m taking a vacation from Richmond, VA to go to Portland, Oregon for a week! Including one night in Seattle!! I’m so excited!! Never been to the west coast! Leaving Tuesday!! 🙂
Sarah says
You’ll love your Keurig! I brew lots of tea and coffee. And since I have an ecobrew reusable cup, it honestly saves me a lot of money…because I don’t waste a whole pot of coffee if I neglect to drink it before the maker shuts off.